


save some face (you know you've only got one)

by the_cloud_whisperer



Series: Avatar Zuko [1]
Category: Avatar (TV), Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Avatar Zuko, Bad Flirting, Bisexual Male Character, Busking, Childhood, Everyone Lives In the End, Firebending & Firebenders, Gen, Lu Ten (Avatar) Lives, Lu Ten is the big brother everyone wishes they had, M/M, Mistaken Identity, POV Multiple, Twins, by which i mean the end of this series which is a long way away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-10 21:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7009621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_cloud_whisperer/pseuds/the_cloud_whisperer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Series summary: Less than eighty years after Roku's death, the Avatar returns to the Fire Nation, born to Prince Ozai. Everything seems poised for the Fire Nation to take over the world, except for a few minor details, namely: Ozai unknowingly banishes and alienates his son, the Avatar. A retelling of the events of A:tLA, in which Zuko is the Avatar, Azula is his twin, and Aang is still the last Airbender. </p><p>In this AU, Air comes directly before Fire instead of the other way around. </p><p>Book 1 focuses on Zuko's childhood and adolescence, up until his banishment from the Fire Nation. Featuring Lu Ten, Master Piandao, turtleducks, and too many POV changes to count.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Master Piandao

**Author's Note:**

> Please keep in mind that this is an AU and there will be a LOT of changes from canon. At the end of every chapter, I post a link to some notes/extras that may shed light on my thought process / reasons for certain changes, as well as some fun Chinese language / history lessons.
> 
> Title from "[Smile Like You Meant It](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAErD8xzjCM)" by the Killers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the age of seven, Prince Zuko travels with his cousin to train in the way of the sword. They come away with more questions than answers about an imperfect world that is only beginning to come into focus for the two of them.

**ZUKO**

Zuko wakes up the day after his seventh birthday rather earlier than he would have liked.

"Good morning, Zuko! Up you get now; we firebenders rise with the sun!" Lu Ten wastes no time in yanking the covers off and bodily dragging his cousin from bed.

"What's happening?" Zuko mumbles, still half-asleep.

"We're going on an adventure, that's what's happening. Come on, we'll be late for the ship."

Zuko dresses slowly, watching in confusion while Lu Ten packs a satchel with Zuko's clothes. "Where are we going?"

"I just said, on an adventure."

"But where?"

"You'll see. Don’t worry, you'll love it."

By the time they're out of sight of the harbor, Zuko is feeling distinctly betrayed. This is his first time at sea. On trips to Ember Island, his father always takes the family in the royal hot air balloon, and now Zuko knows why. The ship is awful, with its constant rolling and swaying. Any moment now, it's going to throw him right over the railing and into the sea, and then Lu Ten will be sorry for dragging him along.

"Relax, Zuko. Deep breaths and you'll feel better. This is why I didn’t let you have breakfast before we left."

"I thought that was because we were going to be late! You wouldn’t even let me say goodbye to Mom!"

"Actually, that's because she already left to see Azula off to school, remember? She's going to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, just north of the capital. You get to go to school with me instead." Lu Ten stares out across the water with a fond smile on his face.

"Why do you have to go to school? You're all grown up."

"This is a very special school we're going to. We'll be training with Master Piandao, the greatest swordsman in the world."

~~~

**LU TEN**

"Now remember, we're going incognito, so don’t forget your name. As long as we're here, you're Lee and I'm Mushi," Lu Ten says as they walk up the hill towards Piandao's mansion. In the spirit of 'incognito', they're both wearing their plainest clothes and trying to look decidedly not royal.

"Yes, I remember!" Zuko says impatiently. He runs up to the door and knocks like he's trying to wake the stone lion turtles on either side.

The door opens, and a scowling butler peers out. "Who are you?"

"I'm Zu—"

"I'm Mushi, and this is my little brother Lee. We're here to learn from Master Piandao."

"And what have you brought for the master?"

"Er…" No one had told him about this part.

"I thought so," the butler grumbles. "Come in then."

He leads them into a wide room, filled with sunlight from the balcony opposite the door. Master Piandao sits facing it as they enter and doesn’t turn around, too absorbed in his calligraphy.

"Mushi and Lee, here to see you, sir," the butler pronounces with disdain, and leaves.

Piandao continues to twist his brush in arduous, inky strokes as he speaks. "Mushi," he begins skeptically, "and Lee."

"Yes, sir. My brother Lee and I have come to learn the way of the sword from you. That is, if you are willing, sir."

"How much do you two know about the way of the sword?"

"Well, er…it involves swords, I know that." _Really brilliant, Lu Ten. The master will be so impressed._ "And… a lot of discipline and practice, I guess?" Lu Ten hazards. He clasps his hands behind his back and tries not to fidget from nerves. He doesn’t have the excuse of being seven years old like Zuko. Truth be told, this trip was a great idea when Aunt Ursa suggested it, but it's getting worse by the minute.

"Guessing will get you nowhere. You cannot guess where your opponent's sword will strike; you must know it. Lee, what do you know about the way of the sword?"

"Nothing at all, master!" Zuko says as knowingly as he can.

"That's more like it." Piandao stands and faces them. His eyes are dark and look like they've seen ages of the world pass by. "I will train you two."

~~~

**ZUKO**

"The warrior practices a variety of arts to keep his mind sharp and fluid. You will start with calligraphy."

Zuko frowns at the blank scroll of parchment before him. This is not at all what he envisioned for sword training. Beside him at the table, Lu Ten asks, "What should we write, Master?"

"Your names. When you write your name, you stamp the paper with your identity. You must learn to use your sword to stamp your identity on a battlefield."

 _Fine._ Zuko prepares to make the first stroke of his name, but Lu Ten grabs his wrist. "Wait just a second, _Lee._ You're holding it wrong."

 _Oh right, I forgot. Lee is my name._ He frantically casts around his mind for an appropriate way to write 'Lee'. 'Beautiful'? Ugh, no. Too complicated, anyways. 'Sharp'? A little too apt for a trainee swordsman. 'Reason'? Who even names their kid that? 'Strength'? Cliché. As if reading his mind, Piandao asserts, "Remember, you cannot take back a stroke of the brush, or a stroke of the sword."

Lu Ten writes something down for 'Mushi'. Zuko has to make something up. Quickly, he dashes down five strokes and straightens up as Piandao comes to examine their work.

"Hm, Mushi… 'to admire the West'… very patriotic. Your 'heart' is squashed down at the bottom, though. Take care that your true heart's feelings aren't overcome by what you think you should feel or do, for your country or anything else."

"Yes, Master."

"And Lee… 'to stand firm.' Simple but telling. You have a strong, straight hand. However, the way of the sword will teach you that often, you must bend from the path you have taken in order to succeed. Versatility, not rigidity, is your friend."

ZZZ

"He sounds like a fortuneteller, not a master swordsman," Zuko complains that night before bed. He and Lu Ten are bunked in one of the guest rooms. "What do your 'true heart's feelings' have to do with fighting?"

"Lots, I'm sure."

Zuko flops down on his bed and beats his pillow into shape. "At this rate, we'll definitely be masters of calligraphy soon, but not swordfighting."

"Patience, cousin. Master Piandao knows what he's doing, and we've got all the time in the world. It's like eating a meal with your parents. First you eat all the nasty, bitter vegetables, and then you eat your nice hot cakes or egg tarts to take away the aftertaste. In the end, everyone's happy: your parents, because you ate your vegetables, and you, because you got dessert. All's well."

Silence settles between them for a while. Then: "You know who's not happy?"

"Me, because you won't let me sleep with all these complaints?" Lu Ten says teasingly.

"No, the food, because it's being eaten."

ZZZ

To Zuko's dismay, Piandao has plenty more vegetable-lessons lined up for them. Zuko learns to practice landscape painting ("to hold the lay of the land in your minds"), rock gardening ("to manipulate your surroundings and use them to your advantage"), dancing ("to keep your feet light and your mind open"), brewing tea ("to calm your mind"), and a multitude of other arts that he is sure they will never have any use for, but Piandao is unshakeable.

"No wonder he has such a huge house," Zuko tells Lu Ten in their third week there, as they sit across from each other at a low pai sho table, the only piece of furniture in the room. Piandao has given them one hour to advance the game as far as possible. "He has to put all his paintings and calligraphy somewhere. I wonder if he takes it all with him when he goes to battle."

Lu Ten moves a piece, the white lotus. "Master Piandao actually doesn’t go to battle anymore. He deserted the Fire Nation army years ago."

Zuko gapes at him. "Really? But that's not allowed."

"When you're a legendary swordsman, apparently it's allowed. He got bored of fighting, is what people say."

"So he devoted his time to playing pai sho and painting instead?"

"It's more fun than killing people, don’t you think?" Lu Ten says, unexpectedly serious. "Your move, Zuko."

ZZZ

"Today, you will begin your weapons training," Piandao says as they follow him down the corridor.

 _Finally! It only took a month of art lessons to get here._ Piandao leads them to a room full of swords, stacked from floor to ceiling around the periphery. "Choose wisely."

Zuko starts moving around the room counterclockwise, while Lu Ten goes in the opposite direction. There are just so many to choose from—single-edged, double-edged, bronze, steel, curved, straight, long, short. Zuko has no idea what he should be looking for. Perhaps he'll know it when he sees it? Behind him, Lu Ten moves between the displays with similar indecision. They inch towards each other, about to meet each other at the median of the room, when Zuko sees it—a pair of identical curved swords, tapered smoothly to sharp tips. One hangs crossed over the other on the wall.

 _That's it._ Zuko reaches for one of them… just as Lu Ten takes the other. Coincidence?

The swords are clearly made for someone of Lu Ten's height; the one Zuko's holding is nearly as tall as he is. _Never mind, I'll learn to wield it just as well._ They turn to face Master Piandao.

"We've made our choice, Master," Lu Ten says, as if it weren't clear.

Piandao frowns—but he's always frowning. Zuko doesn’t get the sense that he's displeased, but rather thinking deeply.

"Good choice, you two," he finally says. "However, you both have made the same mistake."

He steps forward and takes both swords. "These are dual broadswords: two halves of a single weapon." He demonstrates a fluid move with the two blades, one following the other through the air as if connected by an invisible string. "Don’t think of them as separate, because they aren't. They're just two different parts of the same whole."

Zuko watches in fascination as Piandao goes through several forms, each with a practiced ease that speaks of years of experience.

"There are two sides to a person: the one they show the world, and the one they show themselves in the mirror," Piandao continues. Zuko sees his own reflection, tiny and blurred, in the gleam of the swords as they flash by. "A person can only achieve balance with themselves and with the world when both sides are the same, like these two blades. Swords do not lie; neither can you lie to yourself or to others about who you are."

Zuko shifts nervously. That sounds like a direct contradiction of what he and Lu Ten are doing right now, posing as Lee and Mushi. Would Master Piandao still accept them as students if they revealed their true identities? Fortunately, Piandao finishes his demonstration without any more philosophizing.

~~~

**LU TEN**

'All is one, one is all.' Piandao leaves them with these words one morning, along with instructions to train all day while thinking about what they mean.

"I didn’t realize we were going to be doing so much wordsmithing. It's not like you can defeat an enemy by spouting nonsense at them on the battlefield." Zuko says as they warm up. Master Piandao gave Zuko a pair of dual broadswords that are actually small enough for him, perfect, in fact. He moves them like extensions of his own thin arms.

"Most of the time, you can't," Lu Ten agrees. "But I think what the master might be trying to get at is that you can avoid getting into battles by understanding what this nonsense—uh, _wisdom_ —means."

They start sparring in the courtyard. That Fat isn't watching them dourly from the house is a testament to how much they've grown on the sour old man… or maybe he's not home? Piandao seemed to indicate that he was going on a short trip out of town.

Lu Ten doesn’t hold back with Zuko; he's learned that if he does, his cousin will tire himself out faster trying to throw him off balance. When they spar as equals, Zuko paces himself and strategizes better to save his energy. They meander all over the grounds, and Lu Ten fervently hopes that Piandao doesn’t notice the stalks of bamboo that they cut down in a frantic chase through the grove, or the lion turtle carving on the bridge that's missing its nose because Zuko thought it would be a good idea to take their fight _into_ the stream.

"So what do you think it means?" Zuko wonders as they pile rocks on the bank of the stream to obscure a now-decapitated bonsai tree (rock gardening _does_ come in useful!)

"All is one, one is all," Lu Ten reiterates. "Well, first off, what is _all_?"

"All people? All things? Everything in the world?"

"And one."

"One person. Like you or me."

"That doesn’t make sense, though. How can one person be everything, and how can everything be in one person? I think I would have noticed if everything in the world was inside of me."

LLL

Evening falls. They've talked in circles about the riddle _all_ afternoon. Neither Piandao nor Fat seem to be home yet, so they climb out onto the roof and look at the stars. The stars look back at them with a warm, distant gleam.

"How many stars are there, Lu Ten?" Zuko asks drowsily.

"A lot. More than there are people in the world. More than there are _ants_ in the world, or grains of sand on the beach."

"That _is_ a lot."

Lu Ten leans back on his elbows. "Some people believe that the stars existed before anything lived on earth. One day a star crashed into the earth and gave rise to all life that exists here now." 

"How can a star become alive?"

"Er… I'm a bit fuzzy on the details, honestly. My dad told me when I was about your age. But anyways, the point of that is, we're made from stardust. It's like we're all carrying a bunch of little stars inside of us."

"Really." Zuko doesn’t sound like he thinks that computes.

"Yep. We came from the stars, we live out our lives, we die… well, we don’t think about that for quite a while yet… and then our spirits leave our bodies and fly back out to the stars." He's actually not sure if this is how his father told it, but maybe Zuko will believe him. "The cycle resumes. So maybe after people die, their spirits could reincarnate into different people, nations, times, places in life. Although to be fair, I don’t know if normal people can be reincarnated, or just the Avatar. What do you think, Zuko?"

He looks over at Zuko, whose hands are folded primly over his stomach, which rises and falls slowly in time. His cousin is asleep, lulled by his circular pondering. Lu Ten scoops him up and starts the precarious descent from the roof. He slides down and tumbles gracefully through the window into their room… _okay, make that decidedly_ not _our room_. Lu Ten might not have a great sense of direction, but mistakenly swinging into a room on entirely the wrong side of the castle is a new low for him.

Master Piandao stands at a drafting table, surveying a map of the four nations. He looks up as Lu Ten freezes on the carpet, Zuko still clinging to his back in slumber.

"Sorry, Master," Lu Ten squeaks, a sound he hasn’t made since he was…fourteen? Since his voice changed, anyways. "I'll just…" He turns to head out the window again.

"Go out the door, Mushi," Piandao says. "Sneaking through windows like a thief in the night isn't becoming."

"Yes, Master." _Thank God, at least I wasn’t interrupting anything, I don’t think…?_ He chances a glance towards Piandao's map as he carries Zuko out of the room. It's headlined 'Order of the White Lotus', and there are white lotus tiles scattered at various locations around the map. Hm…

Zuko wakes briefly as Lu Ten's putting him to bed. "Go back to sleep. I'm going to tell Master what we figured out today." Zuko nods and closes his eyes again.

LLL

"Master?"

"Yes, Mushi." Piandao has rolled up the map, but remains standing at the table.

Lu Ten walks around in front of him. "I thought about what you said this morning."

"And…?"

"And I have to say, I don’t fully understand it."

"Ah. You are learning from your brother. Good! Children are so often wise in spite of, and indeed because of their years, few as they are."

"In lieu of an answer, I have another question." Lu Ten takes a deep breath. "If all is one, and one is all, then the world is meant to live in harmony. To harm another person would be to harm oneself. So why are the four nations at war?"

Piandao studies him intensely. "You understand more than you know you do," he says. "But something is preventing you from understanding still more. Something in your heart."

Lu Ten traces the circumference of a white lotus tile still lying on the table. "To be fair, we've only three nations now that the Air Nomads have been wiped out."

"You are almost old enough to enlist, aren't you?"

"Next year," Lu Ten says. And he will, of course, he will. General Iroh will be thrilled.

Piandao nods. "If you must, you must."

Lu Ten bows and leaves. It will have to do.

They leave Master Piandao two months later on a clear, sapphire day, swords on their backs, questions in their hearts, and a white lotus tile in Lu Ten's pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Click [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7019827/chapters/15978724) for some of my thoughts on Zuko's early childhood and education :) Leave a comment if you liked it! Thank you for reading!


	2. Fire Nomads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko learns to firebend, play Tsungi horn, and deliver sass with the best of them.

**LU TEN**

"Please, Lu Ten, I want to learn," Zuko whines. He hasn’t let it rest since they walked past the huge fire fountain statue of Sozin in the last town they visited.

"You're still too young. Most kids don’t start until they're nine at least. There's no rush." Lu Ten moves slowly through his swordfighting stances. "Practice your forms, they're good discipline for when you start firebending."

"But I want to start _now._ " Zuko pouts.

 _Oh, all right._ "Fine, I'll show you just a little and you can try. Don’t get too excited, though. It's not as easy as it looks." Lu Ten breathes in deeply and then out. A single tongue of flame flickers in the palm of his hand. "See?" He manipulates the flame, feeds it until it covers his whole palm, and lights a nearby branch. He starts piling more firewood on; might as well start dinner while they're camped.

"But how do you do it?"

"Fire comes from the breath - you just inhale and exhale, and breathe the fire into being." A blank stare from Zuko tells him that's not helping very much. "When I was starting out, my dad also told me to pretend that I'd eaten way too many fire flakes and that I was trying to ease the burn by sucking cold air in and pushing hot air out. That might be easier."

Zuko closes his eyes and puts out his hand. "Okay, cold air in, hot air out." He opens his eyes. "Nothing's happening."

"Keep at it." Zuko closes his eyes again and breathes, his small frame rising and falling with the effort. His nose flares as he inhales, and Lu Ten stifles his laughter at the severity of his protégé's expression.

"It's still not working," Zuko says several minutes later. "Why won't it work?"

"Maybe you need a more concrete demonstration," Lu Ten suggests. He hands Zuko a gold coin. "Go get yourself some fire flakes from the market. But come back quickly, it's getting dark."

Zuko skips off, cheered at the prospect of fire flakes and firebending. Lu Ten smiles after him. He's glad Aunt Ursa requested that he take responsibility for Zuko's early education. He imagines his young cousin struggling through the bone-dry lectures and harsh martinets that pass for teachers at places like the Royal Academy. Better that he's here with Lu Ten, free to explore what he enjoys, and clearly, the topic du jour is firebending.

LLL

Fire flakes, as it turns out, do not help with firebending. According to Zuko, neither do fire gummies, fire crackers, flaming Komodo sausage, sizzle-crisps, or super-spicy soufflés. Lu Ten isn't quite sure how Zuko managed to buy half the market's offerings with one gold coin, but perhaps his cousin has skills he'll never know.

"I even tried hot jasmine tea," Zuko says, moodily lighting a twig with the campfire. "The lady in the tea shop said it would give me instant dragon's breath."

Lu Ten thinks of his father's breath of fire. "She might have been waxing poetic, in your case. You'll get it one day, Zuko. It's all in your head and your air. Once you get those two working together, you'll be able to do it."

"Hm." Zuko blows the twig out. "Yeah. Right."

LLL

"What do you think about when you firebend?"

Lu Ten blinks out of the dream he'd been on the verge of. He's fairly certain it had involved singing komodo rhinos.

Zuko is sitting on top of his bedroll, knees drawn up, one empty hand outstretched, face up. A luminous half-moon shines behind his head. "You said you need to use your head and your air. So what do you think about?"

Lu Ten sits up too, forgetting about singing rhinos. "Well, in the beginning, I would always think about spending time with my dad. Playing at the beach, goofing off with him, that kind of thing. Those were some real happy memories."

"Yeah, they were." Zuko remembers, too. "My dad, though…"

Lu Ten thinks of his uncle, his eyes like sunset but chilly. He's not fond of Ozai; the man doesn’t seem to have affection for anyone. "You could think about feeding the turtleducks with your mom instead," he suggests. "Or watching _Love Amongst the Dragons_."

"Azula always makes me act out the evil Water Spirit." Zuko frowns and exhales. Lu Ten watches him concentrate so closely that he almost doesn’t hear the tell-tale crunch of leaves in the forest behind them. He whirls around just in time to dodge a knife flying past his head.

_Shit._

Three men charge them from the shadows of the forest, brandishing knives and machetes. Lu Ten pushes Zuko behind him and draws his swords, countering their attacks easily. "Stay down, Zuko! I'll handle them."

The men are wearing black bandannas like every other ordinary thug with trumped-up visions of villainy and grandeur. They're clumsy with their blades, lunging wildly every which way as Lu Ten parries with his dual swords. Clearly they're not benders; hardly worth wasting firepower on. However, they do have the advantage of numbers and surprise.

He gets sucked into the fight, blocking blows and giving back just as much and more. This is nothing like the suave mock battles with Master Piandao, full of symmetry and art. This is primal and raw, just a man fighting to protect himself and his own. Lu Ten almost enjoys it, at least until he notices that he's only dueling two men now, and the third…

…has got Zuko pinned in front of him, his tiny arms cruelly twisted behind his back, paralyzed by a knife held to his throat. His swords lie scattered on the ground before him. He must have tried to come to Lu Ten's defense.

The other two move to stand in front of Zuko and his captor, knives raised menacingly, though they have the sense not to turn their backs. Their meaning is clear, but Lu Ten hesitates.

"Drop your swords and we'll let him go," the man holding Zuko snarls. "And don’t try anything funny, or he'll be bleeding out before you know it!"

Oh, spirits, this is bad. He looks at Zuko and tries to gauge how hard it would be to divert the knife—

"Do it!" The man yanks Zuko's head back by his ponytail, baring his throat to the knife. Zuko looks grim with terror, and Lu Ten swears he'll never let him out of his sight if they get out of this alive.

"Okay, okay, I'm doing it!" Lu Ten slowly lowers his swords to the ground. "You can take all our money, but if you hurt a hair on his head, you'll be in for a world of—"

Suddenly there is a sharp cry from the man holding Zuko, and Zuko twists out of his grasp as the man clutches at his sleeve in agony. There is a burn on his forearm, small but red and raw. How…?

But then he sees smoke rising from Zuko's fist, and he realizes with a rush of pride, _Zuko made his first fire._

He grins triumphantly as he sends fire barreling towards their attackers, stopping it just short of their shocked faces. "I suggest you leave now, before you lose more than just your dignity," he says with as much royal imperiousness as he can muster while trying to not to laugh at their singed eyebrows. "You've seen what we can do."

The thugs don’t need to be told twice. They retreat hastily, fleeing in the direction of the town, leaving Zuko standing alone, staring down at his hands in wonder.

"Zuko, you…you did it! I can't believe it!" Lu Ten rushes to his cousin's side.

"Yeah. I don’t know how, it just sort of happened."

"Show me." Lu Ten kneels down and grasps Zuko's wrists gently. "You're a firebender now."

Slowly, twin flames rise from Zuko's palms and flicker between them. His smile is the only thing that shines brighter. Lu Ten mirrors it and pulls two tendrils of flame from Zuko's. He pools them and shapes them into the character for 'fire'.

"You're amazing, Zuko," he says, winking the flames out. "I'm so proud of you. You were so brave."

Zuko closes his hands and extinguishes his fire. "I was so afraid, though," he whispers.

"This probably isn't how your parents envisioned you learning how to bend, but I'll teach you a bit, if you want."

"I do, I want to," Zuko says, his voice trembling. Lu Ten sees it now in his eyes, glassy fear lit only by the moon overhead. Zuko's never had reason to be afraid, growing up safe behind the palace walls. This is entirely new to him.

"You'll never be afraid again. Even if I'm not here to protect you, you'll be able to defend yourself." He pulls Zuko into a hug, and his body is warm with the fire he's made today.

After Zuko falls asleep, he resolves to send a messenger hawk to Aunt Ursa in the morning. _Respectfully requesting extension of Zuko's training with me. Am finding our time together more fulfilling than I even imagined. Will be in vicinity of village called Hira'a for a couple of weeks, address post to Mushi if needed. Do not worry, he can defend himself quite ably now._

~~~

**ZUKO**

Zuko wakes up one morning, about a month after firebending for the first time, to find Lu Ten standing by the stream they're camped at and staring abstractedly into its depths. He rouses himself slightly when Zuko gets up. "Good morning, cousin."

"Good morning. What's for breakfast?"

Lu Ten motions towards the campfire, where a pot is boiling quietly. "Oh, not spiced squash nut stew again." There's something awful about the texture that likens it more to quicksand than food.

"Hm," is all he gets by way of an answer, so he tucks in. Lu Ten remains where he stands, absorbed in the stream. When he finishes, he goes over to wash the pot in the stream, glancing curiously up at Lu Ten as he does so. His cousin doesn't seem to have moved at all. He looks at the stream to see if there are any clues there. There aren't, but as he searches, he hears a rumble.

"Is that your stomach?"

Lu Ten looks uncomfortable. "Er…"

"Did you eat any of the stew?"

"Er, no, actually. I'm not hungry."

"Your stomach is rumbling," Zuko points out.

"Yes, indigestion. Nothing to worry about," Lu Ten dismisses. He turns towards their camp and starts packing up. "Come on, let's go. Lots of places to go and things to do today."

Zuko hurries to help. "Are we going to do some new firebending techniques today?"

Lu Ten smiles—finally! "Something like that," he evades.

In town, Lu Ten tells him to wait outside while he steps into a shop. Zuko grumbles but obeys. A few minutes later, his cousin comes out holding—a lute and a tsungi horn?

"What are those for?"

"Why, to play, of course." Lu Ten beams. "You'll love learning the language of music."

ZZZ

"Why do I have to play the tsungi horn?" Zuko wonders, feeling ridiculously entangled in the old horn's long, tarnished curves. They're sitting in the shade of a patio outside a noodle joint.

"It'll help your firebending, believe me," Lu Ten assures him. He plucks the lute idly, picking out a lazy tune. "You'll learn to control your airstream and breathing, just as you would when firebending. All right, let me hear you."

Zuko summons up all the air he can and blows into the horn. A weak 'foop' expels itself from the bell.

Lu Ten snickers. "Lesson one: embouchure. If you blow indiscriminately, half the air escapes from between your mouth and the horn. Pinch your lips tighter, like you're kissing—oh I forgot, you don’t know about that stuff yet." Zuko glares at him from behind the horn. "Forget it, just tighten your lips."

Zuko tries again, breathing in through his nose and releasing a somewhat more robust toot.

"Better! Now, control the pitch with your hand in the bell. Move it around, find all the different tones."

By the end of the lesson, Zuko is faint from oxygen deficit, but he has the notes down, at least. Whether he can string them into a tune is another question. He grins at Lu Ten tiredly. Just then, the restaurant owner comes over.

"If you kids want to play at being street musicians out here, that's fine by me, but my customers are dying for some real music." Indeed, people sitting inside are frowning their way, unimpressed with Zuko's music lesson.

"Not to worry, sir, I've got it. Could we borrow a bowl, by any chance?" Lu Ten asks. The man huffs but goes to get one. Lu Ten starts playing the lute, and a few minutes go by peacefully.

A young woman, maybe a few years older than Lu Ten, stops by them and smiles. She's wearing jade pendant earrings that tinkle quietly as she tilts her head in recognition. "The Tale of Oma and Shu? That's high culture—you're not likely to get much in the way of remuneration for that."

Lu Ten finishes off the song with an indulgent glissando. "That was not for remuneration, but for your ears alone."

She laughs. "Oh, all right then." She reaches into her purse and flicks a coin into the bowl on the ground between them. "Don’t count on sweet talking everyone like me, though. Try something folksy, like Leaves from the Vine. They'll like that."

"Not only beautiful as a fire lily, but also wise as the sun spirit that gives it life—truly you are a marvel," Lu Ten says smoothly.

"Oh, stuff it!" she scolds, but she smiles as she walks away.

Lu Ten tears his eyes away from her to find Zuko staring, slack-jawed. "What? She's right. When in Ba Sing Se… do as they do. I wish I knew more contemporary songs, though." He starts playing again, a different tune this time. "Spring on Yi River… hm, still a bit sophisticated."

"Where did you learn that?"

"The lute? Father taught me, of course, his talents are boundless."

"No, what you just did with that girl."

"Oh, flirt? Dear cousin, that's a lesson for _much_ later."

They play all morning and into the afternoon. Zuko manages to catch the tune of each song and play along after a few tries, although proper harmonizing is still beyond him. The restaurateur comes back for his bowl around dusk. They've earned seven silver coins and two gold. "Not a bad haul for a beginner," Lu Ten remarks, scooping them up.

"Yes, now can we please get dinner? Your stomach's been rumbling louder than the mandolin."

Over a bowl of beef noodles, Lu Ten asks, "How did you like it today, Zuko? Was it… fun?"

Zuko looks at his half of the bowl. Oil rings blur together like gold coins on the surface. Lu Ten doesn’t usually ask about whether Zuko likes something or not; he can always tell.

"It was fun," he says sincerely. "At least more fun than washing dishes or whatever else we could have done to make money."

Lu Ten looks a little sad. "If you don’t want to, Zuko, we can go back home and—"

"No!" Zuko says. "I like this, I like traveling with you and firebending and playing tsungi horn. I like being with you."

Relief spreads across his cousin's face. "That's good, Zuko. I'm glad. I like it too."

~~~

**LU TEN**

"Excuse me, sir, would you and your brother care for dessert?"

Lu Ten arches an eyebrow at the waiter, who looks to be his age and _oh,_ quite nicely muscled. Surely he didn’t get those arms just from busing dishes all day. " _Sir?_ " he asks. "You make me feel old and undesirable."

"The aged oak tree may still shed acorns," the waiter says, catching on. "Or would you prefer I address you as the young willow?

"That's what I'll be calling you." Lu Ten winks. Oh dear, Father would be appalled at his technique.  "Anyways, I'll only have dessert if you make it yourself. A lychee milkshake for the two of us, please."

The waiter smiles and walks off. Lu Ten notices Zuko's puzzled expression. "Ah."

"What?" Zuko draws his lips into an adorable moue of irritation. He always does when he thinks he's being patronized.

"Let me just say this: love is to be found in unexpected places. There's little enough of it in the wide world, so take it where you find it."

Zuko only looks more confused. "Yes, maybe when you're _quite_ a bit older," Lu Ten muses.

"You keep saying that, but how will I know when I'm old enough?"

"I'm sure your mother will let you know; it's probably not my place to say," Lu Ten dodges the question. "But did you know, lychees are also known as dragon's-eye fruit? On account of them looking like a dragon's eyeball when peeled."

Zuko is always interested in anything to do with dragons. _Well done, Lu Ten. A+ for evasion tactics._

LLL

They spend the next few months roaming the Fire Nation from island to island, camping, busking when they need the money, practicing firebending, and sparring, both with and without swords. Lu Ten mostly plays it by ear, though he does try to sneak in the occasional history lesson. Usually Zuko feigns attention, but today, they're on the island of Avatar Roku.

"Roku was the previous Avatar of the Fire Nation. This was his home when he was alive."

"I don’t see any houses," Zuko says, poking at the ash that covers the ground.

"That's because everything's buried under the ash that fell when the volcano erupted eighty years ago. Avatar Roku died trying to stop it, allowing everyone else to escape."

"Oh. So who was the Avatar after Roku?"

Lu Ten traces his finger through the ash. "The next Avatar was an Earth Kingdom girl named Kyoshi. Think fast, Zuko!" He sends a small jet of flame in Zuko's direction. Small, mind you—he's not trying to start an Agni Kai.

Zuko blocks it with a quick slash of his fist and counters. "I've never heard of her."

Lu Ten engulfs Zuko's fire within his own and twists it into small cords of flame intent on chasing Zuko down. They fall into a routine, trading blows with fire while having a perfectly normal conversation. He wants Zuko to be able to think clearly on at least two tracks at any given time. It will serve him well.

"Kyoshi died young; she was only seventeen. The two Avatars after her, Kuruk of the Northern Water Tribe and Tenzin of the Air Nomads, both died in their twenties or thirties."

"How'd they die? Volcanoes?" Zuko asks, cutting through the fire ropes with two simultaneously placed blows. He's incorporating dual dao moves, very good.

"No, actually...they were killed in battle with Fire Nation forces."

"Why?" Zuko stops firebending. "Why would the Fire Nation do that?"

Lu Ten tries to backtrack. "Well, Fire Lords Sozin and Azulon wanted to expand our empire to other parts of the world. They envisioned great wealth and prosperity for the people of the Fire Nation, but the Avatars weren't exactly in favor of that, I guess."

"So they just killed the Avatars to get their way?" Zuko plops down on the ground, arms curled around his knees. "That doesn’t sound right."

He joins his cousin on the ground. "I'm not saying what they did was good or bad, Zuko."

"Then what?"

"…I don’t know."

Zuko looks up in surprise. "But you _always_ know! You said that when I get older, I'll understand more things like you do."

Trust Zuko to remember everything he says and catch him out when his tongue is as forked as a rat-viper's. "I _may_ have been exaggerating. You'll find that as you get older, adults are less and less able to answer the questions you think they should know. I'm not even really an adult and I already know less than I like to pretend I do."

Zuko wrinkles his nose with skepticism. "It's more that I don’t want to tell you whether it's good or bad. That's something you have to decide for yourself. But personally, I'd rather not get too involved with the war."

Zuko nods. "Yeah, I guess not." He slides his legs out in front of him; soot from the ground rises with the movement and settles slowly around them like ashen rain. How did this all come up? It was supposed to be a fun field trip to Roku's island.

"You know what, why don’t we race to the top of the volcano? Let's check if it's still dormant!" Lu Ten suggests. _I'm pretty sure it is, but moping Zuko is breaking my heart._

LLL

He lets Zuko beat him by a few seconds, and they sit together at the lip of the crater. Its rocky slopes are barren and definitely not active at the moment.

"Oh good, I was afraid we'd need to find the Avatar to put it out," he says lightly.

"So where is the Avatar now?" Zuko asks.

"…I don’t know."

"Oh, not again!"

"Hey no, really, this is something that actually no one knows, except the Fire Sages. The Avatar is in the Fire Nation now, but we don’t know who it is."

"Hm." Zuko jumps up. "Why don’t we ask the Fire Sages?"

"I really don’t think they'd tell you, Zuko. They're not supposed to say until the Avatar is sixteen."

"Maybe if we ask nicely?"

It's worth a shot, if only to get his mind off the war. "Maybe."

~~~

**ZUKO**

The nearest Fire Sage temple is on Crescent Island, not far from Roku's island. They take the ferry and hop up the arc at the end of the Fire Nation archipelago, passing a village built entirely on stilts in a river.

"I've heard that there's a spirit in these parts who protects the villagers," Lu Ten tells him as they sail past the houses on stilts. "They call her the Painted Lady."

Zuko notes the dismal, crooked platforms in the water, the thatches falling off roofs. "She doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job."

"Maybe it's because the Avatar isn't here to help. The Avatar is the bridge between our world and the spirit world."

"Have you ever been to the spirit world?"

Lu Ten laughs. "No, never. It's not really a place for humans, besides the Avatar. Some have entered, but not all of them return."

ZZZ

"There it is!" Zuko says excitedly, spotting the crescent-shaped island ahead of them.

The temple is perched atop the ledge of an even taller volcano than the one on Roku's island; Zuko is thoroughly winded by the time they reach the top. They stop for a moment to admire the architecture, at least, this is what he tells himself. They're certainly not stopping to let him catch his breath.

"Greetings, Prince Lu Ten and Prince Zuko." One of the Fire Sages comes out to greet them. He bows as deeply as he can without letting his improbably long pointed hat fall off. Lu Ten inclines his head in return, and Zuko belatedly follows.

"My name is Shyu. What brings you to the Fire Temple today?"

"My cousin has a very important question for the Fire Sages."

"Ah. Come with me." Shyu gestures for them to enter. "The other, shall we say, more senior Fire Sages are in a meeting at the moment—nothing that would interest you, Prince Zuko," he adds quickly as Zuko opens his mouth to speak. They follow Shyu down several flights of stairs and vast hallways with great carvings and tapestries watching over them from above.

"So, what is your question, Prince Zuko?" Shyu asks as they walk.

"Er, I have two now," Zuko says. "First, where are we going?"

"I thought you might like to see the inner sanctuary of Avatar Roku. He trained here many years ago. In fact, he once destroyed part of the temple with the force of his bending. While rebuilding it, he added many secret passageways through the magma beneath the temple, which I am about to show you."

Indeed, they come to a part of the temple where the floors and walls are no longer carved from smooth stone, but roughly shaped from the volcano itself. Lava oozes past on either side of the path.

"I have a question, actually," Lu Ten says. "Should you be showing us this, it being secret and all?"

"Ha! Do you doubt my trustworthiness?" Shyu asks in amusement. "There is nothing you will learn here that can endanger the Avatar or the Fire Nation. Do relax, Prince Lu Ten."

Zuko grins. It's not often that out of the two of them, Lu Ten is the stickler for rules.

"Um, I have one other question," Zuko reminds them.

"Indeed you did, Prince Zuko. And now we have arrived at the sanctuary. Perhaps you would like to ask Avatar Roku himself?"

They enter the sanctuary through the open doors, and Zuko's gaze immediately lands on the statue of Roku, looming over them regally. He wears a high two-pronged headpiece, and his sightless eyes are strangely knowing.

Zuko approaches and bows to Roku. "Avatar Roku, I would like to ask you: who is the current Avatar?"

Roku's stone eyes seem to glint a little, but that's likely a trick of the light. "Well, I wasn’t really expecting anything to happen. Don’t feel too poorly," Shyu says solicitously. "I can't talk to him either, nor can any of the Fire Sages. Only the current Avatar can, and only at sunset on the solstice and the equinox."

"So do _you_ know who the current Avatar is?"

Shyu seems to consider. "Well, we don’t know for certain, but we've narrowed it down to one out of two people," he says carefully. "Two siblings, in fact. But we cannot reveal who it is until they turn sixteen."

"You shouldn't have told him that," Lu Ten says in mock despair. "Now he'll drag me all across the Fire Nation looking for every sibling pair under the age of sixteen."

"Why do you have to wait until they're sixteen?"

"Because with great power comes great responsibility, young firebender." Shyu looks sternly down at Zuko. "I see you have taken on that particular responsibility too early, Prince Zuko."

Zuko pretends the floor is suddenly very interesting. "How did you know?"

"Well, I _am_ a Fire Sage. It's our business to know these things."

"It's my fault," Lu Ten offers. "I let him; he's… very persuasive."

"Yes, I can imagine. Well, as long as he has a good teacher. Now, let's be gone before the other sages find us here and demand to know why I'm letting outsiders into the sanctuary."

"What's that you said about great responsibility?" Lu Ten teases as they walk back up to the surface.

"Doesn’t apply to the speaker," Shyu brushes him off. "But as with firebending, being the Avatar is a great responsibility. The fully-realized Avatar can do more than just bend all four elements. They can also control the Avatar State, a gift that confers especially great power. In it, the Avatar becomes a force of nature themselves, strong enough to summon hurricanes, move mountains, change the tides… it puts the lives of many in one's hands and gives one the power to save  them… or extinguish them."

Zuko thinks of the war happening even now, and his gut twists nervously. Maybe that's why the other Avatars were so easily killed—they never mastered the Avatar State?

They ascend to the surface, and at least the air here is fresh and clear.

~~~

**LU TEN**

"Well, that was boring," Zuko laments as they get back on the ferry. "He wouldn’t even give me a hint about who the Avatar is."

Lu Ten wonders if Zuko realizes that he and Azula actually qualify under the criteria Shyu provided. Avatar Zuko? He can't quite reconcile the ever-inquisitive boy before him with the gravitas of the Avatar, though. He'd have to see it to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe, the Avatar cycle progresses thus: Earth, Water, Air, Fire. I won't say too much about why I made that change here, but it should become more apparent as we get into the next book. See the notes below for more information.
> 
> [ Notes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7019827/chapters/16021999) on the Avatar cycle, what happened to the previous Avatars, music stuff, and lychees.


	3. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reality intrudes on Zuko's happy childhood. It had to happen sometime. The past and present begin to converge to spell trouble for the future, though our favorite prince remains unaware of it still.

**LU TEN**

By the one-year mark, Lu Ten can't delay their return to the palace any more, and at last, they get around to going home. Ursa and Azula come to greet them at the palace gates, and Zuko rushes to meet his mother.

"Mom! You won't believe everything we did! Lu Ten took me to literally every town in the Fire Nation! And I can firebend now!" Zuko exclaims.

Lu Ten holds his breath, counting on Zuko not to tell his mother the exact circumstances of his first firebending. He would rather not have her chew him out for endangering her son. Fortunately, she merely smiles down at her son's bubbling enthusiasm. "That's wonderful, Zuko, you'll have to tell me everything. Lu Ten, thank you so much for teaching Zuko and taking care of him."

"It was my pleasure, Aunt Ursa. There's nothing I'd rather be doing. This past year has been the most fun of my life." And that's the truth.

"I can show you firebending now, Azula," Zuko says proudly.

Azula blows her lips out irreverently like a pufferfish. "I already know how to firebend, dum-dum. I taught myself at school last month since they wouldn’t teach me."

"Well, I bet you haven't taught yourself everything I learned. Lu Ten's the best teacher ever."

"High praise, cousin," Lu Ten teases, but his heart is unexpectedly swelling with affection.

"I don’t want to ever have a teacher who isn't Lu Ten," Zuko declares, while Azula rolls her eyes.

"Well, I'm not sure that's possible, dear," Ursa says. "Lu Ten, your father has asked that you to report to him immediately when you got back. He's in the war room with your uncle and grandfather."

Lu Ten sighs. Back to business it is. "All right. See you around, Zuko."

~~~

**ZUKO**

Zuko doesn’t see much of his cousin for the next few months. Lu Ten always seems to be accompanied by others when Zuko sees him from afar, striding purposefully and talking about Important Things. Zuko knows not to bother him then, but it still feels off-putting, especially after having spent so long talking to almost no one but Lu Ten.

He does see rather a lot of Azula's friends from school, Mai and Ty Lee. Mai is as gloomy as Ty Lee is exuberant; they complement each other quite nicely. How or why they befriended Azula is beyond him—it's certainly not due to her playful and loving nature. These days, her idea of fun involves firebending an apple on Mai's head.

"What was that for?" Mai splutters after he knocks her and the apple into the pond.

"I was keeping you from getting burned!" he shouts back as Azula and Ty Lee look on, amused.

"I would have just thrown it into the water. You didn’t have to get us both completely soaked."

He flounders to his feet in the shallow water and holds out a hand to help her up. She slaps it away angrily and tosses a handful of mud at him instead.

 _You're welcome._ He leaves the girls behind and stomps back indoors to get dried out. Girls are crazy. Or maybe it's just Azula. She'll set fire to anything and everything just to prove she can. And the thing is, she really can. She's _good_ at it.

"Zuko?"

_Lu Ten._

"Almost didn’t see me there, did you? Although you probably had other things on your mind." Lu Ten looks over Zuko's soaked clothes and smiles. "Listen, I've got to attend a meeting right now, but let's talk later, okay? I know somewhere we can go. Bring your swords and meet me by the apple tree after dinner."

"Okay!" Zuko smiles, almost involuntarily. It's hard to feel down with the prospect of being with his cousin so soon. It's something Azula can never have.

ZZZ

"What is this place?" Zuko asks, staring at the rows upon rows of tiered seats surrounding the arena. A grid marks huge squares on the floor, one to every two of his strides.

"It's the Agni Kai chamber," Lu Ten says. "Hardly anyone uses it; I mean who would want to challenge a member of the royal family to an Agni Kai? That's just asking to lose. It works great for swordfighting, though."

They assume their stances and begin a light duel, both a little out of practice but easily retracing their old routines. Lu Ten starts up the usual conversation they maintain while training. "So, this afternoon. Did a cloud just decide to rain on you specially?"

Zuko sighs. "No. Azula tricked me into jumping into the pond."

"…and?" Lu Ten prods.

"…and I got wet and Mai threw mud in my face. The end." Zuko recites, delivering a particularly fierce slash. Lu Ten steps back several paces and regathers himself.

"Mud pies are not the end of the world, Zuko," he says wisely. "That's not what's bothering you, I know that much."

"You're right. It's Azula. She's just so… not fun to be around, I guess. She never wants to hear about all the places that we went. She just wants to practice firebending, but she's so competitive about it. She doesn’t seem to care if someone might get hurt because of it. Her friends from school aren't firebenders, but they just go along with it."

"They might be too scared to disagree with her."

"I don’t know, maybe."

"Remember what Master Piandao used to say? Play to your strengths. What are they?"

"Well… swordfighting, mostly. I'm okay at pai sho, I forgot some of the rules, though. I don’t think Azula would be interested in anything else we learned from Master Piandao."

They lie flat on their backs in the middle of the arena afterwards, staring at the vaulted ceiling. "I've always wondered what it would be like to have a sibling," Lu Ten says.

"It's not that fun."

"You'll make the best of it, Zuko. If you've got anything, you've got something."

"So why didn’t your parents want to have any more kids?" Zuko wonders. Lu Ten doesn’t respond for a moment. He turns his head towards his cousin, who looks uncharacteristically grave. "Lu Ten?"

"I was going to have a baby brother, it was around when I was six, but… my mother, when she was having him, she…"

 _Oh._ "I didn’t know."

"It's okay. It's been a while, I don’t think of her much anymore. Dad and I managed. Besides, I… well, sometimes I think of you as my own. Brother, that is."

He looks straight up at the ceiling as he says this, and Zuko senses that he's rigid with nerves. He leans over and knocks Lu Ten lightly on the head. "Me too."

~~~ 

 **LU TEN**  
  
"Let's meet here for practice every week," he suggests as they leave the Agni Kai chamber. "I'll probably be able to make it around this time, but I'll let you know if I can't."

"Sounds great!" Zuko says cheerfully. "Good night, Lu Ten!"

He watches his cousin trot off to… bedtime, probably. Hopefully Aunt Ursa will understand if he's late. Lu Ten makes his way to his father's study.

"Ah, Lu Ten, candle of my heart," General Iroh greets him. "I see you have been training—good!"

Lu Ten approaches his father's desk. "What did you want to see me about, Father?"

His father rises. "Come, it's a lovely night for a walk."

Actually, it's a little nippy out, but Lu Ten doesn’t mind as he walks with his father. The emptiness of the palace courtyard seems to magnify their silence. Shadows flicker between the sparse torches that line the wall. He thinks he knows what this is about, but he hopes he is mistaken.

"I will be leaving for Ba Sing Se in three months, when winter turns to spring. Fire Lord Azulon has requested that I spearhead the attack on the Earth Kingdom stronghold and its invincible walls." 

"I wish you luck, Father," Lu Ten says, even as his spirit drops. The siege will take months, even years. No one has ever broken through the walls before. 

"You will need some, too, my son. You will be coming with me," Iroh pronounces, every syllable slow and aching. 

Lu Ten feels his palms grow cold and his breath short. So soon? He'd thought… he'd thought he could escape this. For a little while, anyways. His father answers his unspoken thoughts. 

"I interceded with the Fire Lord on your behalf, but he would not be swayed. He is adamant that the royal family maintain a military tradition. In his eyes, it is a great honor." 

"Yes, it is," Lu Ten says, a little faintly. He tries to focus on the ground beneath him, the packed gravel, loose pebbles underfoot, anything to keep him from pitching over into shock. 

"I managed to secure your placement under Colonel Shinu. He's a reasonable man. You'll be captaining a non-bending unit; the colonel agreed it was for the best, since you've had less training than most entering captains. The Earth Kingdom forces tend to target firebending units more frequently, so you probably won't see more action than you need to." 

"That's… good." 

"I know you, my son," Iroh says. He puts an arm around Lu Ten's shoulders, but Lu Ten can hardly feel it. "You are not afraid of fighting. You are not afraid of death. But you are afraid of renouncing your principles." 

He's right. But there's no way to avoid that, in a war. 

"Keep your hopes up, Lu Ten. You may not have to turn your back on what is right if you play to your strengths." 

Lu Ten stands there in the courtyard long after his father leaves. _Play to your strengths. But how?_

And then… _I'm going to have to tell Zuko._  

LLL 

"I have to go." He sheathes his swords with a definitive _kling_ of metal. "It's my duty, Zuko." 

"But I thought you were against the war," Zuko says. "The past three Avatars died in this war. You could die too." 

He deflects Zuko's first statement in favor of reassuring him with regards to the latter. "That's because they were the Avatar. Important people like that get targeted. Me? I'm just small fry, a captain. The enemy won't waste their energy on little old me." He tries to get Zuko to smile. 

"No, you're not. You're one of the most important people out there." 

He walks around his bed to where Zuko sits on the edge, legs dangling four inches above the ground. He's so small, and yet his faith is so great. It's Lu Ten's fault, in some measure, that Zuko is so distressed—he avoided telling his cousin he would have to leave for the war until about a week ago. He knew he would have to face this, this agony, and somehow it's more daunting than the walls of Ba Sing Se themselves. 

Lu Ten plops down next to Zuko and puts an arm around his narrow shoulders. "Maybe to you, I am. Anyways, I'll write when I can." 

"It's not going to be the same without you." He slumps a little into Lu Ten's side. 

"I know, cousin, but the world isn't meant to stay the same forever. Change is the only constant. You're going to grow up, too. Speaking of which," he unslings the swords from his back, "I want you to have these." 

"Your swords?" Zuko gasps. "But you're going to need them!" 

He shrugs. "I can get new ones. The army has more swords than I'll ever need. But you're growing out of your little ones already. These will be just right for you." 

His cousin takes them with an odd look. _Uh-oh. I'm not sure I can deal with tears right now without breaking out myself._

Zuko puts them aside and bows formally, left hand over right fist. "Thank you, Cousin Lu Ten," he enunciates clearly. 

Lu Ten gets up too and returns the bow awkwardly. "You're welcome, Cousin Zuko." _Haven't called him that in years; dear spirits what's wrong with us._  

Zuko looks up at him desperately. "Please don’t go," he whispers. 

He stoops and kisses the top of Zuko's head tenderly, keeping his eyes wide open to stop his tears from spilling over. "I'll write you," he promises. He leaves without looking back. 

**~~~**

**URSA**  

Ursa stands on her balcony, watching Zuko and Azula play in the garden. Unbidden, the terrible memory of Ozai on the verge of throwing Zuko down from here flashes before her eyes. All because of the minute possibility of him not being a firebender. 

 _9 years earlier…_

A royal birth is a sterile affair, Ursa thinks wearily as she watches the midwife bathing her newborns. Back home, a woman's labor would be attended by the entire family and a herd of friends, neighbors, and acquaintances. But then, almost anything out of the ordinary could be considered newsworthy in the sleepy town of Hira'a, where not much ever happened. 

Not much until the Fire Lord and his son visited and essentially kidnapped her away to the palace, away from her parents, from her home, from Ikem… all because they think something great will come of the joint offspring of Fire Lord Sozin and Avatar Roku. The sages huddled in the antechamber will work their magic and confirm that momentarily, she supposes. Ozai must be there, too. Will he find whatever the royal family is looking for in the twins she's given him? 

"Here is your son, Your Highness," the midwife murmurs, handing her a bundle. The child within stirs fretfully. He opens his eyes, and though he can't possibly focus his bleary, golden eyes to see her with any degree of clarity yet, she imagines that he looks up at her with love. Certainly she could use more of that here in the palace. 

"And your daughter." The midwife replaces the child in Ursa's arms, taking her son over to the five sages who have just entered. They bow in respect. Three of them huddle around her son, while the other two approach her bedside. She wordlessly surrenders her daughter to their examination, which seems to consist of drawing mystic gestures through the air around the child and tracing pathways along her tiny infant limbs. 

After a few minutes, both children are returned to her, and the sages retire to a corner to discuss whatever they have learned. Ursa looks properly at her second-born. She opens her eyes, and just like her brother's, they are liquid gold, but something about the curve of her eyebrows and the corner of her eyes makes Ursa uneasy. It's as if she sees her husband's frigid eyes in the face of her daughter. 

Ozai himself chooses this moment to enter, smiling widely. "Good news, Ursa," he announces. "I've just had word that the last attack on the Air Nomads commenced eight hours ago. By tomorrow morning, they'll be completely destroyed." 

Ursa stares at him, dumbfounded. He doesn’t normally share details of the Fire Nation's military exploits with her. Does he expect her to rejoice at the extinction of an entire race? 

"Into the Fire Nation, the Avatar will be reborn, of an age with my own children. Exceedingly well done, Ursa; the royal family has never had twins, to my knowledge." He sweeps closer to inspect them. Ursa feels a twinge of irritation at being talked to like a brood mare, but she swallows both it and her shock at the news of the Air Nomads' genocide. 

"Your daughter, born sixteen minutes after her brother," she says of the infant Ozai is currently staring at. The child gurgles noisily and blinks wide eyes at her father. He smiles back at her and looks over at the other. His smile quickly turns to a frown. 

"What's this?" he demands, a hint of hellfire in his voice. The sages, still deliberating in the corner, pause and look over. Ozai plucks the child from Ursa's arms and holds it stretched out in front of him. "What is this supposed to be? My son?" 

"Yes, he _is_ your son. They are twins. Is something wrong?" 

"This can't be right," he mutters. "No, such a son could never be born to me, and the firstborn no less." 

"Ozai, what are you talking about?" 

"His eyes! They haven't the slightest spark of fire in them, the sign of a firebender. This is a disgrace to the royal family. This can't be permitted." 

The child starts crying at the sound of his harsh voice; Ozai merely stares coldly, then walks with the child away from Ursa's bedside. 

"He's just a baby, how can you know whether he's a firebender yet? Only time will tell." 

He says nothing in return. The room is a tableau draped in shades of red. The sages stare, agape, as the Fire Lord walks towards the doors to the balcony of Ursa's chamber. She looks down again into her daughter's frozen-amber eyes and realizes what Ozai means to do. 

There has been enough death in the world today. "Ozai, please." 

He draws the curtains back and places one hand on the latch, his son in the crook of his other arm. "You wouldn't understand, Ursa, not being a firebender," he says without looking at her. "This is of paramount importance for our nation." He pulls the door slightly open, and suffocating midnight seeps in through the crack. 

"Ozai!" 

He stops. 

Exhaustion tears away her inhibitions, or is it maternal protectiveness? "There is something the Fire Sages need to tell you before you cast your firstborn son over the palace wall like he's some worthless Air Nomad boy, so would you listen to what they have to say?" 

He whirls around in anger. "How dare you speak to me so??" 

"Your Highness," one of the sages interrupts nervously. "She is right, there is something of great significance that we must impart to you, regarding both your children. We have examined the children and have determined that the Avatar has been reborn into one of them." 

Dead silence reigns supreme after his proclamation. "Which one?" Ozai finally says. 

"We don’t know," the sage says. "We can't tell, because their chi is still intermingled. Sharing the same womb, the two have grown together, and their spirits are as one. The Avatar spirit is in them, but it will come to rest in one of them only as their lives begin to diverge. Right now, it is inextricably twined together. We have no way of knowing which one will go on to become the Avatar of the Fire Nation." 

"When _will_ you know?" Ozai asks. 

"By the time they leave childhood and set out on their separate paths in life, around the age of sixteen, when a child would normally be told if he or she is the Avatar." 

"There is no way to know sooner?" 

"No, my Lord." The sage shakes his head gravely. "But both of your children are most certainly firebenders. They will learn, in time, both of them." 

Ozai steps away from the window. "Very well then," he says. "We will wait. Until then, you are dismissed." 

The sages file out hurriedly, as does the midwife, leaving them alone together. Ozai approaches and kneels by her bed. He returns her son and bows his head contritely. "Forgive me, Ursa." 

She'd forgotten that he can sound sincere and loving when it suits him. "Don’t scare me like that again." She ruffles her son's hair. "For that, I should be allowed to name them." 

He laughs. "Why don’t we split—you'll name our son, and I get to name our daughter." 

Ursa thinks about it, about the man before her, about the man she wishes were here now, and about her son. It's too risky, though; Ozai may still remember Ikem. She thinks about her dear father, Jinzuk, whom she hasn’t seen since the wedding. 

"Zuko," she says. "For my father." 

Ozai nods. "Zuko it is, then. And for _my_ father, Azula." He rises. "I don’t need to tell you that this will remain a secret. No one outside of this room is to know that one of our children is the Avatar." 

"Of course." 

"Rest well, Ursa." He turns and leaves. 

UUU 

 _Present day_  

"Aren't they precious?" A silken voice behind her murmurs. 

Ozai steps out onto the balcony. She rarely sees him in the light of day now; he's always occupied with war councils and whatever a prince's duties involve. More genocides, she supposes. 

"And you thought Zuko wasn’t worth the air he breathed." She means it to sound playful, but it comes out laced with her true resentment. 

"Oh, not that again, Ursa," Ozai dismisses. "You knew I wasn't thinking clearly that day. The stress of my duties and your health weighed too heavily on me." 

He reaches out and cradles the back of her head tenderly. Ursa silences a shudder. "I do think Azula has more spirit in her, though. Just look at her." He turns her head so they both gaze out at the twins at play. Azula nimbly leaps onto the hand railing of the bridge over the pond and runs across. She nearly falls on the way down, but catches herself quickly by thrusting out an arm for balance, following with a quick fiery punch to the air to put her back on the bridge. It's almost impossible to distinguish her slip from an intentional flourish. Zuko follows her a little less surely on the other side. 

"She has drive and energy, vigor and vision," Ozai praises. "Qualities of a true leader." 

"Zuko still learned to firebend first, thanks to Lu Ten's tutelage." Ursa finds a little pleasure in Ozai's slight frown. 

"True, but Azula taught herself the basics. She's already surpassing her brother. What's that they say about the flower that blooms the latest?" 

Ursa shrugs. "They're still children, Ozai. They may change." 

"Most certainly, they will. I believe Azula is the Avatar." 

"What?" Ursa stares in disbelief. "What makes you think that? The sages said it will remain indeterminate until they are older." 

"That precocious feel for fire is instinctive, Ursa. You wouldn’t understand. No one but the Avatar could demonstrate such skill at this young age. There's no doubt in my mind." 

He makes to leave. "They'll start training with Master Kunyo next week. By the time she is sixteen, Azula will be ready to learn of her destiny." 

"And Zuko?" 

"He might go the way of his cousin. A petty captain, little opportunity to do damage. We'll see." 

Ursa scowls at the fatuous flutter of his hem as he sweeps away. He's wrong, she knows. Azula can't be the Avatar. Zuko is the one who truly embodies the virtues of the role: determination, kindness, and respect for all life. Lu Ten told her about everything Zuko learned from him before he left for the war. Her son is courageous and open-hearted. Even at the age of three, he could sense the conflict of survival, between a hawk and a crab on a sandy beach. He will go on to protect the lives of many, she is sure. 

She turns back to the garden. Azula looks around towards the balcony, and perhaps she doesn’t see her mother watching, because she immediately sets a fallen branch on fire and starts trying to float it towards a flock of turtleducks. Before Ursa can call out to them, Zuko intervenes and douses the flames, thank goodness. 

Spirits, what is _wrong_ with that girl? 

~~~

 **AZULA**  

Azula looks away from the balcony quickly. Mom always looks mad at her; it's so annoying. She never gets mad when Zuko does something stupid. At least Dad appreciates that she's learned firebending faster and better than Zuko has. She crouches down and flicks water droplets at a duckling that swims close to the edge, not having learned yet to fear her. 

She'll show them all, one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Writing notes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7019827/chapters/16185592).
> 
> And check out my Lu Ten-centric fic, [_brave enough to die_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8213332/chapters/18823135)! I promise it will one day rejoin the main narrative and against all odds, end well :)


	4. Ashes to Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lu Ten is away at war, and Zuko does his best to make do without his cousin. The world seems to be conspiring against him, however. Never give up without a fight, but this particular fight might well last a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit (June 2018): I’m posting a slightly rearranged edition of this chapter (about 2 years after originally posting, haha) because there were some discrepancies between it and the timeline established in _brave enough to die _, the Lu Ten side fic. The content remains the same. There's a bunch of time skips in this chapter, so I've added timestamps in italics that indicate how much time has passed since Lu Ten left for the war.__
> 
> __This was one of my favorites to write, and is also where the story starts to follow canon again, briefly, in a very unhappy way :( Please, struggle through to the end before throwing anything!_ _

_7 months_

**ZUKO**

He and Azula are playing in the garden when their mother calls to him. “Zuko, there’s a letter just for you, from Captain Lu Ten.”

Zuko's heart leaps. Lu Ten is all right! He snatches the letter out of his mother's hands. Azula snorts. " _Captain_ Lu Ten? Can't you just call him cousin? He's not all that glorious after all. There are hundreds of captains in the army." 

"Don't say that about him!" Zuko snaps. "He's a great captain. He just doesn’t  _want_  to go any higher than that, right Mom?" 

"I'm sure he could if he wanted to, Zuko. Azula, don’t speak like that about your cousin. He is a man of great bravery and dedication. Run along now, both of you." 

Azula kicks at nothing as she storms off; Zuko runs back to his room as fast as he can and tears the letter open eagerly.  

_Dear Zuko,_

> _I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write. Things are very busy here at the front. I'm in charge of a fifty-man battalion, and I have to constantly be thinking of where we're being deployed, when we're going to train, eat, sleep, what happens when someone gets injured, and so forth. Fortunately, we haven't lost anyone yet._
> 
> _One of them reminds me of you quite a bit. His name is Hanxin, and he's so clever and resourceful. One time, we were trying to ambush an enemy unit in the woods. They outnumbered us two to one, but we had orders to take them out nevertheless. Hanxin managed to capture one of their scouts and convince him to teach us the songs of their homeland, a village in the mountains far to the northwest of Ba Sing Se. Hanxin has a lovely voice; it's like liquid sunshine, or sparks crackling around a campfire in the summer evenings… ah, you're too young to appreciate poetry. Father says it comes with age._
> 
> _Long story short, we surrounded the enemy and sang until dawn, and then prepared to attack. To our surprise, over half of them surrendered outright! They were so tired of fighting, and hearing their own songs made them miss home. Those that still fought had lost their morale, and we were able to defeat them with hardly any casualties. Some might say it's "nothing to write home about," but here I am doing so anyways._
> 
> _Oh dear, that was rather long. I hope you are well, Zuko. This war is nowhere close to finished, but keep focusing on your studies, and I'll be back before you know it. Don’t worry about me; Hanxin has my back. Look to your own._

_Yours truly,_

_Lu Ten_

Look to your own? What does that mean? Surely there can be no danger here? Zuko folds the letter and puts it away. Lu Ten sounds...well, not happy, really, but at least he's holding up. Hanxin sounds nice. Zuko rather wishes he had such a close friend; since Lu Ten left for the war, it hasn’t been the same.  

He unrolls a fresh scroll of parchment and slowly grinds an ink stick against the slab of slate, thinking deeply as he moistens the ink. The minutely detailed gold dragon carved around the edges of the ink stone looks up at him as if asking: Why so serious? 

 _What if Lu Ten never gets my letter? What if he does, but he doesn’t reply, because he thinks my worries are too silly?_  He asks the dragon.  _What if he never gets a chance to read it?_  

The dragon (which inexplicably speaks with Lu Ten's voice) tells him:  _Stop it. He's going to be fine. More than fine._

He picks up a brush and starts to write his reply, slowly, his wrist stiff as his tongue, almost at a loss for words. The candle on his desk burns low long before he has filled the scroll with his words, and he lights another one. The weak light it casts over the paper gives him an idea. 

The long scroll, stained with ink, dangles over the edge of the table when he is finished. He sets it aside to dry. 

ZZZ 

_1 year 5 months_

"If the city is as magnificent as its wall, Ba Sing Se must be something to behold. I hope you all may see it someday, if we don't burn it to the ground first!"

Azula laughs as their mother reads Iroh's letter aloud, but Zuko says nothing. 

"Until then, enjoy these gifts. For Zuko, a pearl dagger from the general who surrendered when we broke through the Outer Wall." 

She hands Zuko Iroh's gift, and he reads the inscription, "Never give up without a fight." 

"And for Azula, a fine jade comb from the general's wife, inlaid with diamonds, for your beautiful hair." Azula takes the comb from her mother, pouting with less enthusiasm than a hippo cow being led to the slaughter. 

ZZZ

"Maybe Cousin Lu Ten could benefit from Master Kunyo's lessons now that he's getting shipped off to the colonies," Azula says, practicing her form after dinner one night in the drawing room. She flawlessly follows each punch and kick with a short burst of fire. It's one of the more advanced routines that Zuko hasn’t mastered yet—one of fourteen, he reminds himself. Father hadn't been pleased about that. 

"Did he teach you anything about firebending at all? Or did you two just spend a year roaming the country playing with swords?" Azula finishes off with a powerful blast that leaves a pillar of fire growing towards the high ceiling until it burns out. 

"Shut up, Azula," Zuko says dully. He sits down on the steps in the middle of the room, mind still reeling from what transpired earlier at dinner. All he'd done was defend Master Kunyo's methods when Azula called him a dummy. Zuko doesn’t even particularly like the man; he's overly pompous and aggressive, but he's still a decent teacher. 

Their father had exploded with wrath, demanding to know what right he had to contradict Azula. He was so personally affronted, it was as if Zuko had spit in his food or flung tea in his face. And then the truth came out. He had wanted to get rid of Zuko when he was born, just because he didn’t look like a firebender. 

 _Well, as it turns out, I barely am one. Just look at Azula._  

Mother hadn't wanted him dead. Of course she wouldn’t. She loves him. But somehow, that isn't enough. Father seems to hate the very sight of him. They both stormed off before dinner was over, probably to argue about why Father hates him so much.  _It's not fair._  

"Let's play a game, Zuzu!" 

Somehow Azula has climbed onto one of the statues in the room and lodged an apple on its head.  _Not this again._

"Come on, Zuzu, just knock the apple off! Master Kunyo at least taught you how to aim, even if Lu Ten didn’t." Azula jumps off the statue and lands gracefully on the floor. "It's not like you can accidentally burn a statue." 

Zuko sticks his tongue out at her. After the incident with Mai, she'll never let him live it down. He hunches in on himself, turning away from her and in doing so, brushes against his left sleeve and… the pearl dagger. 

Azula doesn’t have any skill with weapons of steel, he remembers with a rush of pride. Master Piandao taught him and Lu Ten, but Azula only has her firebending. 

He gets up and positions himself a few yards away from the statue, taking a firebending stance. Azula looks on with amused skepticism. "I bet you'll miss its whole head," she predicts. "Your aim is terrible." 

"You're right. With firebending, I would miss, but with this," he draws the dagger from inside his sleeve and throws it, "I won't." 

The apple and dagger drop to the floor with a heavy thunk. Azula looks furious. "That's cheating!" she exclaims. "I hope you know this doesn’t mean you win. You're supposed to use firebending!" 

Zuko goes to retrieve his dagger, but Azula gets to it first. She picks it up and points it straight at him. 

 _"To some degree, I am teaching you this for its own sake," Master Piandao tells them as they face the straw targets across the room, knives in hand. "You may learn to throw so well that you can hit your target nine times out of ten. The tenth time, you will miss and be killed. To throw your weapon away is to throw your hope away."_  

Zuko stares at the blade inching towards his heart. Azula smiles, her gloating lips pressed thin. 

"Azula, what are you doing?" Mother appears in the doorway, looking shocked at the scene before her. 

"I was just picking up Zuko's dagger, because he dropped it. Like an  _idiot."_ Azula reverses the blade quickly in her hand to present the handle to Zuko. He grabs it roughly and spins about, pushing past his mother. 

"Zuko, where are you going?" 

"Good night, Mom." 

To throw your weapon away is to throw your hope away. 

There's a drop of blood on the blade, Zuko notes.  _Azula's._ It must have cut her when he pulled it out of her hand. He allows himself a small burst of satisfaction. 

ZZZ 

The upside of Master Kunyo getting fired is that he doesn’t have to spend so much time listening to Azula brag about learning new forms faster than he did. Who cares if she can learn them faster? What matters is that you learn them well. Except that she's pretty much got that down too, and Father favors her for it. And why shouldn’t he? Of course he would favor whoever's better at firebending. It's Zuko's fault for being slower and dumber than Azula. He's trying his best, but when his best has to be better than Azula's best… it can never be enough. 

The fact that he's better with swords than Azula is comforts him, though.  _Play to your strengths,_ Lu Ten had said all those years ago, and Zuko takes his words to heart. Unlike Azula, Mai and Ty Lee love his demonstrations with his dagger and dual broadswords.

"It's like you're dancing with your swords!" Ty Lee exclaims, her braid whipping about as she follows Zuko's progress across the garden, fighting an imaginary enemy. Mai says nothing, but she watches intently as well. 

Azula sighs and flops backwards onto the grass. "This is boring," she complains. "Let's play hide-and-explode instead." 

They all ignore her. "Master Piandao once told Lu Ten and me that swordfighting is like a dance with your opponent," Zuko explains. "With an even match, it can be a great pleasure." 

"Yes, I'm sure Lu Ten is having so much fun in the war, fighting with swords and not fire," Azula says pointedly. 

"Well, it is harder to fight with just swords," Ty Lee points out. "With firebending, you can hurt people so much more easily." 

"I'm just saying, it's so lame that they won't even let him fight alongside firebenders in battle. Seems like his commanding officer thinks  _very_ highly of him. I'm sure he's doing lots to change the course of the war." 

Zuko drops his swords and starts towards his sister. "Shut up, Azula! He can hold his own against the enemy even without his fire. That's how good he is. I learned to fight with him, and I know." 

"Wow, Zuko, maybe you should join him when you're old enough, since you're not any good at firebending either." 

Zuko lunges for her, but she sidesteps on light feet, letting him tumble into a rosebush. "Whatever, if you're all going to be like that, I'll just go play hide-and-explode by myself," Azula snipes, skipping away blithely. 

"Wouldn’t that just be called 'hiding'?" Mai points out as Zuko clambers out of the bush. 

"Haha, good one, Mai!" Ty Lee says. 

They're not so bad, Zuko thinks. In fact, they're just fine when Azula's not around. He silently thanks his cousin.  _Play to your strengths._  

ZZZ 

_Three years_

He's practicing with his swords in the garden when his mother comes out of the house, looking sad. Azula's a few yards away doing flips and ignoring him ‘waving metal sticks around,’ but she comes over to stand by Zuko as their mother approaches. 

"What happened, Mom?" he asks. 

She tells them. "Iroh has lost his son. Lu Ten did not survive the battle." 

 _No._  

"Zuko, I know it hurts. You were close to Lu Ten, but he's gone now." 

He pushes aside his mother's comforting hand. "No!" he shouts. "He can't be dead! He wouldn’t just let himself be killed! He's better than that!" 

He leaves them behind, their faces blurring in his tear-filled eyes, Azula's unmoved expression taunting him. He runs blindly back to his room and grabs Lu Ten's most recent letter, delivered just a few weeks ago; he hasn’t even had the opportunity to draft a reply yet.

_Dear Zuko,_

> _I know it must be discouraging to constantly come second to Azula in firebending techniques, but you have it in you to surpass her, and indeed anyone, as long as you keep trying. It's easier said than done, but not impossible. I'm glad that you're keeping up practicing with your swords, and that you, Mai, and Ty Lee are getting along, though. It sounds like you're learning a lot from each other._
> 
> _Speaking of which, Hanxin says hello and wants to know if you and Mai have kissed yet (?!) and also when you're going to start wearing your hair in a topknot (I showed him the portrait you enclosed last time). Please ignore his silly questions; he would not stop pestering me until I promised I would write them down. Truly, he is a hilarious if somewhat misguided comedian._
> 
> _Ever since we broke past the outer wall of Ba Sing Se, we've had to become much more vigilant, since we could be surrounded by the enemy in their home territory any time. Don’t give up on me if you don’t hear from me. We're going to be involved in some pretty major battles soon, is all I can say, so I might not have a chance to write for a while, but I'll try._

_Wishing you the best,_

_Lu Ten_  

Reading Lu Ten's words and hearing his voice, he can almost believe that his cousin is still alive. He suddenly remembers the habit they've formed of writing between the lines. 

He lights a candle with shaking fingers and holds the unfolded letter between him and its glow. Slowly, the words that Lu Ten mean for his eyes only bleed into view: 

> _Even though it's been three years, I still miss you lots. The higher-ups like to remind us that we're fighting to defend our country, but in my heart, I know that I'm fighting to get back to you. Sometimes I think that if I live long enough to see the inner wall come down, you'll be standing on the other side. Most of the time, it's the only thing keeping me going. But don’t worry, cousin. I _will_ come back._

Lu Ten has never lied to him before. He always told the truth, even when it was hard or ugly. But this time… 

This time, he was wrong. 

Zuko drops the letter and curls up on his bed in agony. It's like his own heart is tearing itself apart in sympathy for Lu Ten's, which has stopped beating forever. 

Anger wells inside of him, anger for everyone and everything, everywhere. The Earth Kingdom soldiers who killed Lu Ten. Did they know whose life they were snuffing out? Zuko's never felt that strongly about the faceless enemy before, but the ones who killed his cousin are evil, through and through. Doubtless they've never killed a better man in their lives. 

The noble Hanxin—his cousin's right-hand man. Where was he when Lu Ten fell? Any and all of his men, for that matter. Lu Ten would give his own life before he let any of them get hurt—and he did. Grandfather Azulon or whoever it was that made him go into battle in the first place. He never wanted to fight. He never wanted to take anyone's life. 

Azula and her heart of stone. She doesn’t care at all that Lu Ten's dead, that her own cousin is  _gone_ from this world. She doesn’t understand. Once you're dead, you can  _never come back._

Lu Ten himself. 

 _No._  

Never. 

 _I'll never blame him. He was the best cousin anyone could ever ask for, the best teacher and friend._  

Lu Ten. 

Zuko lies there for hours with his cousin's name running through his head endlessly.  _Maybe if I keep saying it, he won't be dead,_ he thinks as he falls asleep. 

~~~ 

 **AZULA**  

Weeks pass after the news of Cousin Lu Ten's death. In a sense, she was wrong. He  _did_ change the course of the war, in that his death leaves his father completely crushed. Uncle abandons Ba Sing Se, the loser. Plenty of generals have lost their sons in battle; what makes his so special? Maybe another general will take up the siege and actually succeed this time. 

Zuko hardly speaks for the first few days afterwards, and when he does, his voice is tiny and his eyes are downcast. She tries to get him to play and train with her; Mai and Ty Lee are only good for so much, without firebending abilities. Sometimes he does, but only half-heartedly. His fire is smaller and more timid than ever. 

That's convenient, though, she thinks as she watches him struggle and fail with his firebending demonstration for Grandfather two months later. How does he intend to accomplish more advanced forms when he hasn’t even fully mastered an aerial kick? Dad looks annoyed, of course. Clearly he was hoping Zuko would keep his mouth shut and not flaunt his stupidity for everyone to see. 

"Enough of this pomp, Prince Ozai! Just tell me what you want! Everyone else, get out." 

Mother ushers them out and goes on ahead with Zuko, but Azula quickly wraps herself in the curtains to eavesdrop. What is it that Dad wants, so much that he needed his children (okay, mostly her) to support his cause with the Fire Lord? She listens as he brings forth his suit: "Father, revoke Iroh's birthright." 

That sounds about right. Uncle Iroh would make a useless Fire Lord. He'd probably declare a National Tea Appreciation Day and not bother at all with the war. 

"You dare suggest I betray Iroh? My first born? Directly after the demise of his only beloved son? I think Iroh has suffered enough! But you ... your punishment has scarcely begun!" 

The flames before the throne reach halfway to the high ceiling in Azulon's anger. Azula can't see her father's face from here, but his shoulders are low and tense. For the first time, she feels a little worried. Grandfather doesn’t seem to be exactly in his right mind here. 

"You must know the pain of losing a first-born son by sacrificing your own!" 

Zuko! But surely he wouldn’t do it… would he? 

"Father, I meant no disrespect to you, nor to Iroh. Please, spare my son. He has done nothing wrong." 

"Do you mean to sacrifice your daughter instead?" 

Azula stifles a gasp, not that it would have been heard over the roar of the flames. 

"No, no, Father. I would never do that. Her spirit is too bright to be extinguished." 

"Then choose! Your punishment will fit your crime, Prince Ozai! Count yourself lucky that you at least will have one child remaining. Are you decided?" 

Azula tenses. 

He nods. "I am. I will sacrifice my son, Prince Zuko, in accordance with your wishes, Father." 

AAA 

Azula breathes a sigh of relief as she runs from the throne room. She actually had been a little worried there at the end. What if Dad had had a change of heart and decided to kill her instead of Zuko? 

 _And what did he mean, my spirit is too bright to be extinguished? He's not normally so… flowery with his speech._   

 **~~~**   

 **URSA**  

Ursa watches Azula slip down the corridor to Zuko's bedroom and suppresses a sigh. She's probably gone to taunt her brother about his less-than-stellar performance in front of the Fire Lord today. Sometimes Ursa wonders how it is that the two are twins and yet so different, but then she remembers that one of them has what the other does not: the Avatar spirit. 

It has to be Zuko. She knows it. Ozai looks at Azula and sees raw power and intelligence, and thinks that to be telling. When he said she was born lucky, he meant lucky in more than one way. He looks at Zuko and sees only weakness and timidity. She wonders what Ozai wanted. It's not usual for the entire family to convene before the Fire Lord, and Ursa is glad it doesn’t happen more often. 

Raised voices from down the hall reach her ears. What now? She stands quickly and walks down to Zuko's room just as she hears him say, "Dad would never do that to me!" 

"Your father would never do what to you? What is going on here?" 

Zuko sits upright in his bed, while Azula leans against one of the posts. "I don’t know," she claims, her eyes wide with innocence. 

"It's time for a talk!" She tugs Azula by the wrist down to her room and shuts the door. "Now tell me, what is your father planning to do? What did he ask your grandfather for?" 

"He asked that Grandfather name him as his heir instead of Uncle. Grandfather was really angry and said he would punish Dad by making him kill Zuko." Azula looks up at here fearfully, and for once, it might not be feigned. "Mom, is he really gonna do it?" 

Ursa closes her eyes. She can stop this. She has what Ozai needs. A modest, white flower, crushed and extracted with oil, mixed with one last cup of unassuming jasmine tea. 

"Go to bed, Azula. Everything will be all right in the morning," she says _. I'll make it right._

Azula goes, and Ursa wonders if this is the last she will see of her daughter. Of her son. 

 **~~~**   

 **ZUKO**  

"Zuko, my love, wake up." 

Zuko blinks awake and looks up into his mother's face. Her eyes are clouded with grief, and her lips are worried. "What's wrong? Mom?" he asks, unsettled by her appearance. She's wearing a long black cloak drawn close around her, like a shadow. 

She embraces him tightly, desperately. "Zuko, I need you to listen to me. Everything I've done, I did to protect you. No matter what happens from now on, never forget who you are. Promise me, Zuko." 

"I promise, Mom. What's going on? Why…why are you crying?" She looks as she did when they got the news of Lu Ten's death, but far more broken. Zuko nearly tears up, just watching her. 

She turns her face away, reaching within the folds of her cloak and withdrawing a small, ornate headpiece. It's gold, with two narrow tongues of flame crossed by the pin. "This belonged to your great-grandfather. I want you to have it, but you must not let anyone else know of it." 

Zuko puts out his hand, and she gives it to him. "What is it?" 

"It's something for you when you need to remember who you are. Keep it hidden, always. Please, Zuko. Will you do that for me?" 

"Yes, of course," he says, still confused. "Mom, are you okay?" 

"Zuko, I have to go. Remember what I've told you. I love you." 

"Mom!" 

But she is already leaving, melting into the shadows beyond his room like a dream, like she was never here. 

He turns the headpiece over in his hands. It's pretty, but he doesn’t see how it could help him remember who he is, if he were to ever forget. He puts it under his pillow and drifts off again. 

ZZZ 

She's gone. 

The morning after, Zuko finds her chambers empty, the silence as stifling as the darkness. He runs to the gardens next, only to find his father standing at the pond instead, as he never does. He doesn’t answer, though, when Zuko demands to know where his mother is. 

No official announcement is made about her absence from the palace. It's as if she never existed. Azula doesn’t know where she's gone, either. Of course, Azula always lies. What she said that night about Dad planning to kill him can't be true, can it? It just doesn’t make sense. Neither does Grandfather's death - he was the picture of good health. It has to be a coincidence: the Fire Lord's passing, Mom's disappearance, Azula's sing-song news ("Dad's gonna kill you!"). 

But how can it be? What if they're all related? Zuko remembers the headpiece under his pillow and takes it out. It had seemed so important to mom that he take it, but it means as little as ever to him. Who is he? Crown Prince of the Fire Nation by default, it seems, given that Father has now been crowned Fire Lord Ozai. It does little to wash down the aftertaste of his loss. 

 _Grandfather Azulon wanted Dad to kill me. Azula must have told Mom. And Mom… she would never let that happen. So… what? She told Dad… to kill him? That still doesn’t explain why she's gone._  

One thought begins to coalesce with certainty in his mind.  _It's my fault._  

 _It's my fault she's gone._  

 _It's my fault I wasn’t good enough._  

 _It's my fault she had to protect me. She paid for my mistakes._  

He puts the headpiece away. He knows who he is, what he is. 

A failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY. BUT, I want to remind you of some very wise words from Huu the Swamp Monster: "Pants are an illusion, and so is death." To all intents and purposes, Lu Ten appears dead, but I have it on very strong evidence (i.e., I am the author) that he will return in a later installment of this series. To learn about what all happened during his wartime experiences, take a look at _brave enough to die_ ; you can find it in the Avatar Zuko series page.
> 
> Ursa gets her happy ending too, as per canon, but I don’t think I will cover that in this series.
> 
> Notes for this chapter can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7019827/chapters/16237436). (some very interesting ones this time around!)


	5. Born Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Born lucky and lucky to be born - possibly Ozai's most apt use of words ever, and Zuko suffers for it.

**ZUKO**

Uncle Iroh returns to the palace about six months after the end of the siege. Fire Nation troops have largely retreated from Ba Sing Se and the Eastern Earth Kingdom; it's simply too much territory to command. Iroh seems entirely unperturbed by his younger brother taking the throne. 

"Life is too short to waste worrying about who gets to sit behind a wall of flames and look down on everyone who comes in," he tells Zuko as they stroll down the Royal Gallery one evening. Ozai's portrait hasn't been added yet. "The Fire Lord hardly ever gets to go on vacation, anyways. I took a nice, long one before I came back here. I figured everyone would just forget about me." 

"Where did you go, Uncle?" 

"Oh, all over the world," Iroh says. They pass Fire Lord Azulon's portrait, the last on the row. "And out of this world as well." 

"What do you mean?" 

"There is an island in the Eastern Sea—I don’t think it even has a name—but when I sailed past it, I felt such a strange compulsion, I had to stop and explore it. I don’t know how it is that I got there, but I must have stumbled upon a door to the Spirit World. So I went in and searched." 

"…for?" Zuko questions, before he notices where they are going. In a chamber adjacent to the Royal Gallery, a vast tapestry hangs, embroidered with the names and likenesses of the immediate royal family tree. His mother's name and image are still there, woven into the fabric, proof that she was here once. 

Iroh touches his son's name and picture. "I searched, but I did not find him. Of course, the Spirit World is vast and not at all like our own. It is possible that I just did not know where to look or who to ask." He sighs deeply. "His entire battalion fell in battle, though they fought bravely until the end. His body was never recovered, so I would sometimes dream of him coming home, but…"

They stand there for a stretch in silence. "I miss him too," Zuko finally says, not knowing how else to offer comfort. He was brave? He brought down many Earth Kingdom forces? All true, but none of it was what he wanted. It was all practically for nothing.

"I know, Zuko. I am not the only one who loved him."

ZZZ

Iroh starts training Zuko in firebending not long thereafter. It's almost like having Lu Ten back, but Zuko quashes that thought quickly. No one can ever replace his cousin.

"Hmm," Iroh says after Zuko gives a demonstration, far better than the abysmal one that so disappointed his father and grandfather. "Lu Ten did well with you. I taught him everything he knew, and he clearly did not fail to pass it all on to you, except for one thing."

Zuko thinks he'd done all right, and his stomach sours. "What's that?"

"Courage. Alas, this is one thing that can't be so easily learned."

"I'm not afraid," Zuko protests.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it," Iroh says. "You start each form with measured and confident moves, but somewhere along the way, you lose that poise to overwhelming fear. Of what, I do not know. Only you can discover what it is."

Zuko does it all over again, and again after that at his uncle's direction. He does not feel as if he is gaining any ground on fear.

The weeks stretch into months. Zuko falls into a routine. Train. Avoid thinking about Mother. Avoid thinking about Lu Ten. Fail and blame himself for being weak. Sleep. Repeat.

Azula starts training with Commander Zhao, who is on temporary leave from the navy after the Eastern fleet left Ba Sing Se. Iroh speaks of Zhao with a frown. "He loves only power and does not concern himself with where that power comes from: from within or without."

Zuko privately thinks that if he had any power to speak of, he wouldn't care where it came from either. In spite of this, his firebending remains resolutely stagnant. Mediocre, uninspired, better than the average firebender's, but far short of what his father would expect, and certainly nowhere close to Azula's genius.

He trains. Avoids thinking. Fails. Sleeps. Repeats. With time and a lot more training, he eliminates the 'failing' part, namely by being so tired after training that he falls asleep almost immediately without time to think about the holes in his life. He can't control what he dreams about, though.

The months stretch into years.

 **~~~**

_Four years later…_

**AZULA**

"Let me pass!"

"I'm sorry, Princess Azula, but only the high generals are permitted to sit in on this meeting." The imbecilic guard bars Azula from entering.

"I demand you let me in, or my father will hear about this!"

"No doubt he can hear you even now, Princess Azula. What's the problem?"

She turns to see Uncle Iroh there, and Zuko standing behind him. Excellent, finally someone she can sway.

"This guard won't let me into the war council," Azula says with much less ire than she had turned on said guard. "Please, Uncle, can't I go?"

"Oh, trust me, these meetings are terribly boring. Why don’t you enjoy a cup of tea with us instead?"

 _I do not want tea, you stupid man, I want in on this meeting!_ Azula longs to shriek, but restrains herself. Time to try a different tack. "Zuko, you should be at the meeting too. Don’t you want to go?"

Zuko looks surprised at the thought. "Not really, no."

 _Oh help me out here._ Zuko's always quiet these days whenever dinner talk turns to the war. He probably still cries about Lu Ten's death at night, how pathetic. "But as the children of the Fire Lord, it's important for us to learn about battle strategy, isn't it? If you're going to be the Fire Lord one day, Zuko," _though I'm crossing my fingers for a different outcome_ , "you especially need to start learning now."

Zuko frowns. "Well, yes, I guess it would be a good idea. Uncle, can we?"

 _And there we go, easy does it._ "I suppose so, just as long as you don’t say anything. These old generals are a bit dull, but very…sensitive." Uncle ushers them in dutifully.

AAA

Two hours later, and Azula has to agree, these meetings are more boring than watching stone erode. Still, she stays alert and listens, as does Zuko. The generals finally finish discussing supply trains and training regimens and move on to deployments.

General Bujing taps the map on the floor. "The Earth Kingdom defenses are concentrated here. A dangerous battalion of their strongest earthbenders and fiercest warriors. So I am recommending the forty-first division."

"But the forty-first is entirely new recruits," another general interjects. "How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion?"

"I don’t. They'll be used as a distraction while we mount an attack from the rear. What better to use as bait than fresh meat?"

Suddenly, Zuko stands as if to speak. "Zuko, sit down!" Azula hisses. What does he think he's doing?

He ignores her. "You can't sacrifice an entire division like that!" he exclaims. "Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?"

Everyone stares in shock at his outburst. Even the old general, unused to this kind of protest, doesn’t seem to know what to do. The wall of flames separating the Fire Lord from everyone else burns brighter and higher as he stands in a rage. Azula can only make out his figure faintly. His voice rumbles forth. "Prince Zuko, you have disrespected General Bujing with your foolish words. It was not your place to speak."

Zuko looks stricken, but he doesn’t quail back or cower in fear. _He's stone-headed and obtuse, I'll give him that._

"For your dishonorable act, you must fight an Agni Kai. We will convene tomorrow at noon. You will not hide from this, Prince Zuko."

"I'm not afraid. I'll fight for my honor!" Zuko says, glaring at General Bujing, not even putting on a show of false bravado. He really means it.

Iroh rises and puts a hand on Zuko's shoulder. They turn towards the Fire Lord and bow; Iroh looks over and inclines his head. He means to leave. Azula makes her bow and follow them out as the meeting resumes.

"You _had_ to get us kicked out, didn’t you, Zuzu? Now I'll probably never find out the rest of Bujing's great plan to defeat the Earth Kingdom."

"Zuko, are you all right?" Iroh asks. Zuko's jaw is clenched, and his hands shake slightly at his side.

"Obviously he's not, Uncle," Azula says. "Zuko, you're just going to have to do your best. No one will fault you for losing; you're pretty much expected to."

"I don’t think that's helping very much, Azula."

Zuko still hasn't said a word. "I'm going to prepare alone," he finally says. "Don’t send anyone to bother me, please." He strides off, leaving them in stony silence.

"Azula, if this was your intention, you should know that an Agni Kai is no laughing matter," Iroh pronounces seriously.

"You flatter me, Uncle, but even I couldn’t have orchestrated this mess as well as Zuko and his own bullheadedness. Oh well. If he's lucky, General Bujing will be old and slow, one of the easier opponents out of all the people Zuko could have picked to insult." She starts to walk away.

"You don’t understand, Azula! By speaking out against General Bujing in the Fire Lord's war room, Zuko disrespected not only him, but also the Fire Lord. Your father means to duel Zuko himself."

Azula stops. Well, that makes this whole affair so much more… _interesting._

"See you at noon tomorrow," she bids Iroh a crisp farewell.

~~~

**ZUKO**

"This isn't fair. I was just trying to stand up for those recruits who would be massacred by the Earth Kingdom forces. I know I wasn't even supposed to be there, but I couldn't sit in silence," Zuko says. "'Never give up without a fight.' And now I'll have to do just that, literally."

"I know you would feel the same. You would care for the soldiers serving under you, just like you cared for me. Why can't they all see that?"

Lu Ten regards him silently from his picture frame.

"I wish you were here." He sighs. "Well, here goes nothing. Wish me luck."

~~~

**AZULA**

"This will be quite the show, won't it, Princess Azula?" Commander Zhao remarks as the crowd gathers to witness the Agni Kai.

"On the contrary, I expect it won't last more than a few minutes, if that," Azula predicts. "My brother's not the brighter one out of the two of us."

"Hm. True."

In front of her, Iroh shakes his head sadly. 

"Don’t worry, General Iroh. Your favorite student will be fine," Zhao says condescendingly. "Agni Kai's aren't generally fought to the death unless something really important is at stake. Prince Zuko's honor is not such a huge issue." 

"Silence yourself, Zhao," Iroh says. "You do not know what you speak of." 

The stage is set. They are ready to begin. Azula clenches her fist in excitement as Zuko prepares to face his opponent. Does he still not know? 

The gong sounds, and he turns. 

He didn’t know. It's written all over him. 

AAA

Zuko's scream echoes around the chamber for what seems like ages. Even Zhao looks surprised, and Iroh is well on his way to complete shock. But Azula will carry this sound with her from now on. It is the sound of loss, of shame, of defeat for Zuko. 

For her, it is the music of triumph. 

~~~ 

 **OZAI**  

"Your Majesty, Prince Zuko is on his way to making a full recovery. However, his spirits are low. He eats little and sleeps less." 

"I do not require the details of his mood," Ozai cuts the healer off. "I merely wish to know when he will be able to resume normal activity." 

"I would say he needs one more week to regain his strength for daily activities, but longer for anything more physical. Perhaps a month on the outside."

"Very well, you are dismissed. Send for the court scribes," he orders.

"Yes, my Lord." His head attendant scurries out after the healer. Ozai folds his hands and waits, pondering his next words with care. There is no doubt that Zuko does not belong with the royal family. He is weak, just like his mother, his uncle, and his cousin. Without him, the path is clear for Azula to prepare for her role as the Avatar and the Fire Nation's greatest weapon.

"Fire Lord Ozai."

_What are the Fire Sages doing here? I sent for the scribes._

"Your Majesty, we come with news for you regarding Prince Zuko," the head sage says.

He sneers. "I'm afraid I don’t know who you're talking about. As of today, there is no Prince Zuko. He is to be banished."

"Your Majesty, we have determined that your son, Zuko, is the Avatar."

_It can't be._

"In order for Avatar Zuko to become the fully-realized Avatar, he will need to find an earthbending master in the Earth Kingdom and begin his studies."

"Clearly your minds are addled. Zuko is not the Avatar. Azula is," Ozai says coldly. How dare they bring this blasphemy before him?

"But your Majesty, we have conducted long and careful spiritual inquiries into the matter—"

"Then your inquiries were _wrong._ I will not hear another word about it," he commands. This idiocy must be quashed immediately. "Azula will be trained as the Avatar. You will forget you ever thought it was Zuko. He never has been, nor will he ever be the Avatar."

The sages gape brainlessly. Why is this so hard for them to understand? Zuko's talent is barely at par, and his honor is all but gone.

"Leave me now. I will inform Azula when she turns sixteen. You _will_ cooperate on this matter."

The sages bow and leave, shocked dumb. The court scribes enter after they are gone. Excellent.

~~~

**AZULA**

"Zuko?"

He's sitting upright in bed, but his head remains bowed over his thin chest. Dear, dear, has he even eaten in the week since the Agni Kai?

"Zuzu," she says louder.

He raises his head at the sound of her voice. "Azula."

"You don’t look so good." His burn is bound with gauze, and most of the hair on the front of his scalp has been burned or shaved off.

"No kidding."

"I've got a message for you from Dad."

That gets his attention. "Is he pardoning me?"

"I don’t know," she lies, holding out a scroll, which she of course read as soon as Father gave it to her. Zuko reaches for it but misses her hand by an inch.

"I can't see out of my left eye, or hear from that ear," he explains self-consciously. "The healers said it should be temporary."

She slaps the scroll into his hand. "Oh, Zuzu…"

"Don’t say I brought this on myself. I know I did." He unwraps the scroll with clumsy fingers. "So I'm going to do whatever I can to make amends for…"

His face falls as he reads the message.

_By decree of Fire Lord Ozai, Crown Prince Zuko is hereby stripped of his title and banished from the Fire Nation. He is to be sent to work in the mining colony on the Earth Kingdom coast. Pending evaluation after three years, he may be permitted to return to the Fire Nation, but not to set foot in the palace again. Commander Zhao is hereby appointed to enforce this punishment._

_Violation of this decree is punishable by death._

Zuko puts down the scroll. Azula predicts his tears gathering and spilling in three…two…one. If his left eye can still shed tears, they're absorbed by the gauze.

"So do you have another message, one declaring you Crown Princess?"

"What?" She feigns incomprehension.

"Don’t pretend, Azula," he says flatly, too weak to muster any spite. "You knew. Did you recommend Zhao for the job? Tired of his lessons, were you?"

"No, Dad chose him specifically. Maybe he'll have Uncle teach me now, ugh."

"Uncle wouldn’t have you."

"And I wouldn’t have him. Settled."

They sit in silence for a moment. "When am I leaving?"

"Dad's graciously granted you time to recover. Zhao will set sail a week from today. In the meantime, you're confined to house arrest with no visitors."

"So I'm a criminal now." 

"I'm sorry it turned out this way, brother." 

"No, you're not." He lies back down and faces away from her. "Just go, Azula." 

She does. _Poor Zuzu, utterly broken._ Somehow it's not as satisfying making fun of him when he hardly has the will to respond, much less give back. She thinks she might miss him, but shakes herself mentally. She won't miss the days when she would wonder whether the Fire Nation would completely go to pieces when Zuko inherits the throne. After all, the right to rule is something you're born with, and Zuko clearly didn’t have it. 

 _I never even had to lift a finger. I really was born lucky._  

~~~

 **ZUKO**  

He stares out over the port side as they pass the Black Cliffs and leave home still farther behind. _Not home anymore. By decree of Fire Lord Ozai, it will never be my home again._

If he squints, he can make out the faint bump on the horizon that is Ember Island to the north. It feels as distant as his memories of the place. To think that once, he and his family were happy there. If his mother's stories are to be believed, his father had once saved him from drowning when he was trying to rescue a hermit crab from a sea hawk. _And now_ _he's tossing me to the birds._ A bitter smile curls his lip, only on the right side. Any sort of facial expression still pulls the skin around his burn painfully. The scar itself feels no pain. 

"Enjoying the view?" Zhao's lazy drawl breaches his silent thoughts. "Take advantage of the time you have. You'll be spending most of your days underground in the mine." 

Zuko turns his face halfway towards Zhao, the half that isn't burned. "And what about you? Aren't you a little too lofty to be wasting your time babysitting me for three years, _Commander_?" 

"Don't fool yourself. I'm not going to hang around for all that time. I've got a more important mission than that, personally entrusted to me by your father." 

This is news to Zuko. "What's that?" 

"Wouldn’t you like to know?" Zhao sneers. "I suggest you don't worry yourself about it. We'll be in port in just over a week, and you'll need all your strength then." He walks away. 

Zuko grits his teeth and stares back overboard. Zhao is infuriatingly smug; maybe that's why he and Azula got along so well. 

ZZZ 

They've been at sea for six days now, and the ship is drawing close to its destination. Soon the reality of his destiny as Zuko the Fire-prince-turned-coal-miner will face him at last. 

Only two items from his life as Crown Prince accompany him. One: his broadswords—the guards had tried to take them away, but Zhao had interceded. "Let him keep them; they make him feel a little more dangerous. Not that you'll have much of an opportunity to use them, of course. Best just let them rust." 

Zuko seethes at the idea that he would ever let his—Lu Ten's—swords go to waste like that. He briefly entertains the thought of gutting Zhao with them. 

The second is the headpiece his mother gave him. His great-grandfather's—Sozin's? Yet he's never seen a portrait of Fire Lord Sozin wearing it. Did she mean it belonged to one of her grandfathers? Zuko realizes he knows nothing about his mother's family and her life before she came to the palace. And now he will never have the opportunity to find out. 

A storm is gathering, has been all afternoon. With the ship groaning and rocking on the waves, Zuko doubts he'll be able to fall asleep at all tonight. He sits down on the floor of his room below decks, knees drawn up and arms wrapped around his legs. Idly, he pulls the gold headpiece out of his pocket. He flicks his eyes towards the mirror. His ponytail sprouts rather ridiculously from the back of his mostly bare head like an unruly weed. Zuko wouldn’t call himself vain about his looks, but he has to admit that now Azula outstrips him even in that department. 

The jostle of his swords in their sheath as the ship rattles beneath his feet gives him an idea. He draws one sword and with a single directed swipe, cuts his ponytail down to half its length. Now it's short enough to cram into a formal topknot, though Zuko realizes he's a little ironically late to Fire Nation fashion. He slides the headpiece on over it, secures the pin, and looks in the mirror again. Honestly, it still looks a little foolish, unstably nestled against his topknot. 

"Stupid," he mutters. It's all he has left of his mother, though. He doesn’t even have a picture of her. Sometimes he thinks he might be forgetting her face, but then he dreams of her, of her drawn and devastated eyes as she leaves his room for the last time. They haunt him as he slips, at last, into fitful slumber.  

ZZZ 

The first thing he notices is that his scar is gone, the skin smooth and pale, as if he had never been burned. The second thing is that he's not wearing the headpiece anymore. Third, he's not looking at his reflection in a mirror, but in a pond. In fact, it's the pond in the palace gardens where he used to feed turtleducks with his mother, so long ago now. 

Something stirs, and he raises his head to see a man in yellow robes sitting cross-legged in the air above the water, with no visible means of support. 

"Hello, Zuko." He inclines his head; he's got a blue arrow running down his scalp and the backs of his hands. An airbender? "I am Avatar Tenzin, your predecessor." 

Zuko vaguely recalls one of his few history lessons with Lu Ten. "Avatar Tenzin? But…you're dead. Sorry," he appends. "Wait… predecessor?" 

Tenzin smiles graciously. "Don’t be sorry. It is only because I am dead that you are able to speak with me at all, Avatar Zuko." 

"But I'm not the Avatar," he says reflexively. "I'm just…Zuko." _Certainly I'm not_ Prince _Zuko anymore._  

"How do you know you aren't?" 

"Well, because I think someone would have told me that before my father banished me from the Fire Nation!" Zuko gets up and paces around the pond. "If I were the Avatar, I wouldn’t be here right now! I would have my honor and my father's love and a clear path to the throne. I wouldn’t be shipped off to spend the rest of my days in an Earth Kingdom colony." 

"You are the Avatar, Zuko. Just look around you." 

Around the garden, there stand dozens of men and women of various nations. There is a Water Tribe man with a wolf-bear pelt slung over his head, a woman in a green kimono and white face paint, a woman in yellow Air Nomad robes like Tenzin's, and to the fore stands an old man in crimson robes, his hair bound in a top knot with the gold headpiece from Zuko's mother. 

"That's…" Zuko starts, but the old man and everyone else wink out of sight, leaving him alone with Tenzin once more. "My great-grandfather?" 

"Avatar Roku, the former Avatar of the Fire Nation. He and all the past Avatars are part of you. If you look deep within yourself, you will be able to speak with them." 

Zuko crouches down and touches the water with one finger, as his mother would. No ducks come, though. "If I'm the Avatar, does that mean… what does that mean? For me, for the world? There can't be harmony in a world where an entire nation is missing. But how can I restore it? I've lost everything in my life. I've lost all hope." 

Tenzin shakes his head. "No, Zuko. There is always hope. It is something you give yourself. But a little inspiration from others can go a long way, and I think I can help you there." 

"You can?" 

"Yes." Tenzin stands, his feet still inches off the pond surface. "There are some people in the world of the living that you should meet. I will try to—" 

A sudden quake shudders through the garden, but Tenzin seems to take no notice. Zuko stumbles to his feet. The pond ripples, and mist rises, obscuring the airbender. 

"Tenzin?" Zuko can no longer hear him. A bolt of lightning splits the sky before darkness falls. 

ZZZ 

Zuko lurches upright in bed and meets his reflection in the mirror. It's him, all right, with his scar and Roku's headpiece on. So that was all a dream. Of course.

Thunder cracks outside, and he feels the ship pitching and tossing on the waves. No wonder he woke up. He slips out of bed and almost falls flat on his face. It's been so long since he was on a ship. He ascends to the deck, clutching at the railing every step of the way. The lone helmsman is at the other end and doesn’t see him. Zuko watches the restless sea and the lightning that strikes every now and then. He wishes he knew how to summon lightning. Uncle Iroh had promised to teach him, before all this happened. 

 _But even if I could, what good would that do? How would that help me carry out the mission of the Avatar? If I were the Avatar, that is. Which I'm not._  

The storm still does not break; if anything, it's getting worse. If Zuko were particularly poetic, he might compare it to his current spirits, but that was more Uncle's domain. Lu Ten wasn't too bad either. 

Lu Ten, Uncle Iroh, his mother, they're all gone now. He even misses Azula, a little bit. Just the bit of her that could sometimes be kind and fun-loving. A very tiny bit. 

He pretends the tears he's blinking back are from the ocean spray and not from missing home. It _is_ very misty, and the air is half salt water from the relentless waves beating against the side of the ship. He leans over the railing a little farther, and the ship tilts forward at the exact moment a wave twice as high as Zuko's head breaks over him. He loses his grip on the railing and goes, almost willingly, overboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the last of the first installment of the Avatar Zuko series. The story continues in Book 2, which picks up immediately after Book 1 (Zuko is not going to drown). Why am I dividing them into separate stories? 1) Mainly for organizational purposes; that way if I ever want to reread a certain moment, I can more easily locate it instead of being baffled by a long list of chapters. 2) It sounds more legit when I call each work a Book :D
> 
> Book 2 is called _time crawls on (when you're waiting for the song to start)_ , from my fave "Phoenix" by Fall Out Boy, and will cover Zuko's leaving the Fire Nation and learning earthbending and meeting new friends, growing up, and such stuff. This is going to be a long series, with a total of 6 books planned.
> 
> By the way, thank you so much to everyone who has commented/favorited/followed/read this fic at all! It is so nice to know that my hours upon hours of writing fanfiction when I should be doing responsible adult things have at least not been in vain. You all are the best :*
> 
>  
> 
> [Notes for the chapter.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7019827/chapters/16345484)

**Author's Note:**

> Come shout at me about this fic, A:tla and LOK, or anything really, on my Tumblr @the-cloud-whisperer :)


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